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It’s about time for a new blog topic….a fresh wave of thoughts, streaming towards you online. It would seem that with all that has been going on in my life, I’d have plenty to post. But NOoooo….

Summer, to me is a time of reflection, cocooning and isolation, and I must admit that the grey and rainy days help me achieve this latent state of mind…. I tend to enjoy two months of complete extraction from my otherwise vivid social life. I know, it sounds utterly absurd, as summer is supposed to be a happy and outgoing season, but please don’t think I’m unhappy, far from it !!! I’m just a little housebound and solitary….and I love it. I guess it helps me reload my batteries for the rest of the year.

So whilst this whole town is off to enjoy far away destinations and luxurious holidays in Italy, Bali and the USA…(which by the way leaves plenty of room for those of us, ‘left behind’ to leisurely park our cars). I like to use this time to actually enjoy LIVING IN my house again. The rest of the year is such a rush of obligatory trips to school, sports, supermarket, and social events, that we hardly seem to have any ‘at-home-time’ at all.
So we dig into our mess, throw away whatever is old and broken, and end up being perfectly happy with the bits and pieces of comfort-junk that are left.

It takes the kids a few weeks of boredom and TV to let go of modern life as we know it until they finally indulge into the nostalgia of Lego and boardgames. What amazes me most is that they learn to appreciate each other again as brother and sisters become friends. Something that during the school year is somehow prevented by age and their own set of friends.Thus the more we become a family unit again, the less important the outside world becomes…..hence the cocooning.

It’s always a shame to see that fall apart after 2 glorious months of bonding, but I also know that this next year will give us plenty of stress and mess to enable us to have ourselves another fantastic summer next year !! So for now we still have another month or so to go and we’re well on our way to becoming social outcasts….what a wonderful life indeed.

Lately I’ve been struck by the amount of changes everyone around me is going through. It seems we near or hit the mark of 40 and life just smacks us in the face with separation, divorce, disease, death and unemployment crisis’s. No one seems to elude them all and some get ruthlessly belted by multiple atrocities.

I can’t help but wonder if it’s some sort of shock therapy designed by a supernatural life force that likes to shake things up a little every once in a while…. We reach a point of self reflection, where we wonder whether we turned out to be the person we wanted to become, and of course some of us will suddenly realise that we are nowhere near that perfect image we had projected for ourselves. We may be discontented, angry, sad or disappointed in what we see when we stare into the mirror of self reflection.

That is when we decide that changes must be made, everything that is slightly ‘off ‘ gets tossed aside to make way for new and exciting plans and people. We turn into ‘desperately seeking…anythings’ on our quest to re(de)fine ourselves…..

I feel a little anxious..some days, dreaming of an escape to Italy whilst I’m still young enough for it to have the impact it should have on me….because let’s face it, if I go to Rome when I’m in my 50’s I can forget about having ANY sex appeal whatsoever….the time is now !! Or how about immigrating to Australia…’down under’…far away from the hustle and bustle of the western world, driven by money, power and good looks…I imagine finding a comfortable shelter/home on the beach side, and enjoying the sunshine, sea breeze and laid back way of life.

It feels like I may already be at least halfway through life and there is still so much that I want to do, but the point of realising that some of that may probably never happen is sadly nearing…

So, no running off to play La Cicciolina in Italy or Dundee’ing abroad with backpacks and wrinkles, no dancing in clubs where I could actually break a leg and it wouldn’t bring me luck….

The restlessness, I’m sure, will subside in time and by then I secretly know I will be happy with all that remains within reach and hasn’t carelessly been tossed away in a whim of midlife crisis versus stuck in a rut.

I’d like to share with you what it’s like to feel the warmth of someone else’s heart in mine, that, even though, I truly thought it wasn’t possible, it is !!! That a special someone found the key to what was locked and stowed away so safely. A waterfall of love and hope seems to be streaming out, and making everything around me seem more beautiful than it already was. It’s as if, the colours have come to life, making it all even more precious and unique. A sense of gratefulness has landed upon my shoulders, I stand in wonder of how it happened yet realize the time it took to unlock and free me from all doubt and reservations. It took a patient man to find the will and strength to do so, and even though right now he seems exhausted by the challenge he threw himself upon, I can only hope that he will never find regret in his actions and much love in the unveiled chambers of my heart, where only he has acquired a right of access.

Finding out that the the things you love the most are those that you least expect, pleasures hide in the littlest things, joy resides in the twinkle of the eyes, when glances meet, as if having known each other for years, they soothe the mind and rest it’s thoughts, whilst deep inside you feel a sense of calmness and devotion alternated by jolts of passion. I think I could truly love to love again. Bearing in mind that you only achieve this level when you meet the right person, when the connection of the souls is a solid one, that’s when sparks will fly !

All the things that had to carefully be taken into consideration, fall neatly into place. The unforeseen becomes foreseen and suddenly everything is crystal clear. The will to face the challenges that we may stumble upon, is huge and grows with every moment shared. I so look forward to what my life may bring with him, in it, so much so, that I refuse to waste a single minute.

I want to throw myself into this with everything I’ve got, take the plunge without fear and swim towards a happy ending, in this stream of new beginnings !!! Ready, set….and praying for ‘GO‘ !!!