‘The Paradox of Life’ – Quote

“The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but
shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more,
but have less; we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and
smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees
but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more
problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little,
drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too
little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our
possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and
hate too often.
We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to
life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but
have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer
space but not inner space.
We’ve done larger things, but not better things. We’ve cleaned up the air,
but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.
We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less.
We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold
more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less
and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small
character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of
two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one
night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer,
to quiet, to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the
stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time
when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.
Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going
to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to
you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your
side.
Remember to give a warm hug to the one next to you because that is the only
treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent. Remember,
to say, “I love you” to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all
mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep
inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday
that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak
and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.”

Forty

One of my all time favourite movies has a magnificent quote :

” I think your heart grows back bigger, you know? Once you get the shit beat out of you. And uhm, the universe lets your heart expand that way, and I think that’s the function of all this pain and heartache that you go through and you gotta go through that to come out to a better place, and that’s how I see it anyway”
(Must Love Dogs)

I have loved this quote from the very first time I heard it. But today, it finally made perfect sense to me !

My very best friends decided to organise a ‘surprise’ – 40th – birthday party for me. Inviting some of my closest friends only, because;…they jokingly complained,
‘I apparently have too many friends….’

To be honest I felt desperation and guilt but something clicked into place whilst I cried tears of overwhelming self issues over this and gratefulness took over.

All this time, I thought that life was about that ONE love, that very special person that is supposed to come into our lives and sweep us off our feet. The knight in shining armour. The one that makes it all worthwhile. The true love of your life. How wrong I was…how terribly wrong I was….

You see, I had not wanted to celebrate this upcoming birthday. Because, well;
I felt sad and ashamed that at 40 I have not yet achieved that much in my life;
I felt single and a failure for it;
I felt shame towards my children who have seen me cry on numerous occasions out of utter desperation and struggling with my life’s challenges;
I felt a great need for independence since nothing I have is actually mine;
I felt my best was never quite good enough;
I felt stupid and guilty for feeling all of the above in the first place;…and last but not least just because forty sounds so damned old and grey hairs and wrinkles are invading what used to be ‘me’…!!

How ungrateful and wrong I was !!!

Life is not about a summary of what you feel you haven’t done or feeling sorry for yourself and it’s also not about ONE love at all. It is about all the things you did from the heart and about GREAT love, it has nothing to do with superficial achievements, money or status.

Great love is when your heart fills with joy because you realise that you have kids that you are utterly proud of, because they are turning into fantastic, compassionate and good human beings.
Great love is when you can be there for someone exactly at the right moment.
Great love is when you’ve had someone to lean on time after time, without fault.
Great love is knowing that those you care about so much care just as much about you.
And among all the many many other Great loves is;
the Great love of your friends when they team up together  and even though you yourself don’t feel you deserve it, they still find you worthy of a surprise 40th birthday bash !!

Today I was reminded of this, life isn’t always rosy, and we all have our shit to deal with – to each their own. But it is as great as we make it within us. It is all as good as we accept it to be.

And so, to go back to the wonderful quote, I think that my heart has grown back – bigger, and bigger each and every time after every ache and pain. And I am now in a much better place !

It’s time to enjoy the moments and share some of the love that has been put in there by all these great loves, so that this fantastic heart warming friendship is passed along to others.

I guess forty means ‘over the hill’ in the sense that the climb may be over and it’s now time to slowly stroll down hill whilst enjoying the magnificent views of this ‘better place’ that holds a wonderful inner sense of serenity.

BUT if it’s not, then it’s time to just roll off that hill and enjoy the ride, for God’s sake!!

How lucky I am to have reached forty with such Great loves !! THANK YOU X

Post 2012

The end of a year always encourages us to look back and reflect on all that happened over the past twelve months.

For me, this year was extremely intense. I don’t think I have ever FELT as much as I have felt this year!! 
I felt heartache, that should have killed me; I felt shame and anger towards myself that should have made me dissolve into nothingness; I felt the great loss of a few dear friends that passed away whom I hope are now Angels watching over us;  I felt the joy of realising that all I need to be happy, is right here, within me; I realised that no matter how much I wanted to conform with what others expected of me, it did not make me happier and I finally understood that if you build huge walls around yourself, and don’t let go of the fear of getting hurt again, love will never stand a chance, 
This last realisation opened up Pandora’s box and so my heart loves again, regardless of it being loved back. 
This was, without a doubt, my growth year, the year that has kick started who I am meant to be, and who I want to become, the year that clarifies all others and has made perfect sense of what was just a blurr…
I am no longer unsettled and restless, beaten and hurt. I have found my serenity and no longer blame myself or others for the pain and anger I have felt. 
It’s a sense of blissful gladness, that now helps me to appreciate and love my life as it is. 
Once you realise all that, small miracles begin to happen and instead of hoping for more you find joy in all the little unexpected gifts life offers. 

I therefore look forward to this new year, because even though it makes me a little melancholic to say goodbye to this one, I know I will enter into the next one with all the new knowledge, feelings and tools I have been lucky enough to find along the way.
I do not enter it without expectations however, I enter this new year expecting ANYTHING is possible!!! 
My biggest wish for 2013 is that each and everyone of you may experience  this feeling, so you may sail happily and smoothly, through the rough and tough parts of life. 
“Live to love, and love to live” – because the time we have here is preciously short and there is no better way to spend it, but by absorbing every single moment we are granted. 
Wishing you a fascinating 2013!! 
May it bring to you your own epiphany…and the faith to trust your heart.