Mannerism

As a woman, it’s utterly impossible to even fathom the thought of trying to understand a man’s way of thinking. Believe me, I’ve tried. A man does and says things that we women often misinterpret from start to end. We are mostly left in the confusion of wonder. Often trying to fill in the question marks by filling in the gaps with our own way of thinking. This takes us even farther from what goes on in a man’s head.

So, what does go on in there ? Anything ? Anyone ?

Nope, I don’t have the answers, if anything, I am more at a loss for them than ever….I find myself trying every time to see the logic of their brain patterns, wondering if thoughts take place in their head, heart or a few inches lower even ….each time I’m convinced that I’ve figured it out and know which ‘buttons’ to press, the sequence changes and I find myself starting from scratch again.

Some profess their undying love to you, only to turn around one day and simply say they’ve changed their minds and no longer feel that way about you. Just like that….no warning, so you’re left wondering what ‘killed’ the moment, what killed that ‘once-upon-a-time-unconditional-love’, which suddenly became ‘conditional’.
We women would give off some signs, hints and screams making it clear that something might not be going in the right direction, alarm bells would be ringing – in desperate attempts to make the needed changes or adjustments. But a man, a man sits on his problems, refuses to talk about them by entering his safe zone…’the man cave’….while they keep us outside at a safe distance, the result being that we women, will only find out what the verdict is once he decides to come out of there having made up his mind. There and then, there will be no more room for discussion, once it’s made up, it’s made up.

So why are there so many bestsellers on the shelves on how to read your man’s mind ? How to conquer his emotions, and lure him back into your world again? Is that even possible after a cave session ? Having read a few of those ‘self-help-books’ (which don’t really live up to their name anyway)…I’ve come to the conclusion that however hard a woman tries and  WANTS to understand men, in order to make life easier, they just CANNOT.

There is no set of rules that applies to all….there are no answers if he feels he has no questions, there is no logic if he wants none. Life just comes at it is. Everyday brings a new set of ‘rules’.

It’s time to just accept that. No more bending over backwards to apologise or understand, no more trying to prove that things could be different next time.  No more begging or pleading into an unknown mind. A woman is a woman and a man is a man. Or else all it’s going to be is a woman’s point of view on a man’s perception….and that …..is useless. Stick to what you know, not what you don’t and never assume.

Intro Mies

Right, the journey is about to begin, buckle up and get yourself a front seat as I’m about to embark on one of life’s most fascinating adventures….the ‘WHO AM I – trip‘ !!

Most of us choose to ignore the whole bloody trip, because to be honest it’s a real hassle to pack and prepare for it, and it’s not always what it’s cracked up to be, especially when we hit upon the rough and ugly spots….but they’re a MUST if you want to do this trip to the max. If you only look at the goody-two-shoes-bit, then you’ll end up letting your inner demon reign. You can’t have one without the other….and once you’ve explored both ends of those dug outs, then you need to balance them out, find a truce between them and decide which stuff to dump and which to keep.

The point of this whole journey is to make myself the centre of MY universe. Know what I like, and what I don’t, why I do and why I don’t, what to do and what not, who to keep and who not, simply tie some knots and throw out some sandbags. All this…seen from MY point of view, not yours, or my mom’s, or my childrens’ or any good friends’ …..no, MINE !! very selfishly ….just mine.

What and who do I give a shit about….what makes me tick, what triggers me and how ? Why do I yearn to please some and not others, how do I stop seeking approval and just ZEN into my own vibe of approval and appreciation.

This trip is not for the faint hearted, or those that are still too concerned with how they profile themselves upon others…NO. If you’re still into that, then don’t bother reading any further!! I mean, you too may have a trip to go on :  ALONE, that is a MUST. But feel free to tap into my guideline as you follow along….REMEMBER though…it’s MY guideline, not yours, seek your own eventually !!

It is a journey into your inner self region, scary territory…..so be prepared, open yourself to countless possibilities and outcomes, as the destination is never revealed beforehand !!

Mine has started, due to a build up of emotions that just poured out, unrelentlessly, sometimes in private and other times just whenever they felt like it (very embarrassing, mind you). At first I thought it would quickly pass, but it didn’t, so I started going to massages, just to get rid of the tension and believing that getting my back rubbed would melt those troubles away too… NOPE….it’s helping, but it’s only ONE tool….

Next one is YOGA…..I am now slowly learning to breathe again….yes, you can’t imagine what it’s like to actually feel  cool breath enter your mouth, pass your throat, into your chest and way down into your tummy, slowly….thoughtfully and controlled. It’s Exhilarating !!
The yoga itself with it’s stretch and relaxation is helping my body regain it’s strength and flexibility, preparing it to become my ‘TEMPLE’ (I know, I’ve never been into all these ‘abracadabra’ words either, but they kind of emphasise my point here!)

Today I took a new step, I visited an acupuncturist…..not a single needle entered my body, but just by pressing a little here and there and asking to see my tongue (blech!!!). He gave me a glimpse of myself, the one I had desperately tried to hide from him !!!

And here’s the clue….NO HIDING…not from myself, because if I do, I’ll only kid myself and this trip will just end up being postponed till next time….
I’m not one for waiting as you all may know by now and so, I choose to take this trip NOW, and enjoy the ride wherever possible.
I apologise beforehand to those I may end up ‘hurting’ or ‘losing’ on this trip, it’s not my intention to do so, but I’ve been told that there will be casualties and friendships may dissolve. The ‘pleaser’ in me is saying sorry now, as I may not feel sorry about it, once I find my true ME, you know… the confident one, that may no longer give a flying f@ck about your opinion, but will take your honest concern or advice into account, realising I will never be ‘better’ than you. That is not the point of this. The point is self reflection, self knowledge and self indulgence, to find the inner peace needed to be happy with just ME.

Apparently after that, all the rest is bonus happiness !!

Ok, fasten your seat belts, hold on tight……this crazy woman is on her way to the next level !!! 🙂

In Loving Memory of a True Friend

We found each other after years apart
our friendship grew from heart to heart.
So much pain in common we shared
so much hope and strength we paired.
Both believing ….in the good times up ahead.

A piece of me I gave to you
but so much of you now remains with me.
I promise to live and love like we both said
never wait or hesitate !!

Life is too short
you so often told me….
Until we meet again
my dear true friend

I will miss you always….Mies X