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Have you ever needed something and thought you’d ‘pop’ into the nearest grocery store for a quick-grab-and-exit-in-a-jiffy-buy ?!

Well, that is NOT possible at my local supermarket. It takes at least 10 minutes to find a spot where you can decently park your car… (and no, I am not a wuss at parking !! ;-)) and if you’re completely out of luck you get to wait for an old ‘person’ to reverse their ‘car’ out of an allotted space ‘mushed’ between the lines. This can take up to 10 manoeuvres…
Right…once parked and happily walking towards the trolley that you never seem to have correct change for ….you ask kindly if you could exchange your usually bigger amount of money for the trolley someone is bringing back. NO WAY !!!!  Don’t ever think that people will just ‘sell’ their trolley to you….NO, they want the exact amount they put into the slot, and all hell breaks loose if they have one of those special magic ‘fits-into-all-trolleys-coin’, then you know for sure they will never give it up for any bribe offered !!!

So…you’ve survived the carpark, enter supermarket….

When walking in you walk past all the cashiers only to be greeted by all your other ‘annoyed’ and ‘flushed out’ friends who have made it to the the cash register, and are about to burst, but mellow at the sight of a friendly face.

You continue your trot into the fruits and vegetables freezer, and I say freezer because I swear they have below zero temperatures in there, once you cross the barrier of hard plastic-see-through-car-wash-type-curtains, you enter a world of utter coldness, even the fruits and vegetables seem to shudder and quiver.
If you’re looking for tomatoes, you have 5 rows to choose from, now this might seem a luxury, but it’s not if you find exactly the same produce in 5 inconsecutive alleys…somehow, even though the supply is plentiful, you always end up ‘forgetting’ the tomatoes in the end.

Once you exit this ice paradise, you can defrost in the bakery area of the supermarket, which you enter by passing through yet again, another plastic curtain, and for some odd reason, unbeknown to ANYONE, there is once again a ‘cold’ area for the fruit juices, yoghurts and milk, right next to the ‘ice paradise’ but not IN it.

If you have kids, you know how they love to skip from tile to tile or over certain ones and not on others, well, this game is a blast in this particular supermarket as the ’tiling-system’ is non-existant !!! Tiles everywhere, all sizes, all ranges of beige and ‘dirt’ look, all shapes and all textures…tile heaven.
To an organised person this is not a very pleasant sight. To a less organised person this only brings more tension on whilst shopping around, I’m sure !

The way in which the alleys seem to have been layed out is a real mystery, after having passed the bakery, with the cold wall of milk and juices, you enter the world of candy and crisps on the left, and lanes of cornflakes and jam, cleaning products and rat poison, underwear and dvd’s, world produce and healthy foods on the right, whilst continuing your walk into YET ANOTHER cold zone !!!! This is where the ‘real’ freezers are, frozen peas, carrots, ice-cream, fishsticks etc. They have timed this impecably as by now you are fully defrosted and the process can start all over again….
Approaching the ‘end’ you get to grab your toiletries and beauty products, bombarded by several shelves of newly advertised products, and tv screens promoting ant repellent or the most fabulous wonder mop invented !!

Finally….you’ve reached the end of your shopping list and make your way to the till, proud to have managed all this in just under 10 minutes, only to find yourself stuck in the worst ‘trolley-traffic jam’ ever. Unfriendly and utterly annoyed people, who have been queuing for many a minute….You pray, and hope you’ve chosen wisely and preferably the quickest row. But 10 minutes into it, you remember why you hate walking into this supermarket. There are no supermarket values, no perks, no nothing here, just a lot of wasted time. Valuable time, as we all have places to be, and people to see, and children to feed.

When it is just about your turn, the lady infront of you starts an elaborate conversation with the cashier, which slows down and sometimes even shuts down the whole process. Sometimes, if you’re truly out of luck, you will get presented with a sign saying the cash register is closed and you may queue elsewhere. It is a frequent occurrence and I’m afraid some people do not survive it.

Right…time to pay, after unloading all your stuff onto the ‘conveyor belt’ and re-loading back into the trolley…you have nearly made it. Oh no, first you are asked if you have a fidelity card, if you want stamps to save up for pots, pans, towels, actually anything domestic.., and then you get an overload of plastic JUNK toys, that your kids are meant to collect, forcing you to return to this horrid scene !!!!

This agonizing trip is not meant to be made ever again !!! So why do I find myself parking here again ?! Am I hopeful, or just a complete FOOL !!!

After having practically begged for some ‘followers’ I decided it is not me, but a whole other group of people who should get praise and thanks for all they’ve done and for all they mean to me !!

About 4 years ago, I entered the world of single-hood…scared to death and helplessly wounded I found myself doing everything alone for the first time in 17 years. It was horrid and so very painful. I used to walk/drive around with a ‘pain’ in my stomach that would just never leave or subside…I felt extremely dismantled and somewhat like an entire body mass had been removed from me, yet I still seemed to be experiencing ‘ghost pains’. I remember the weekends, sometimes driving around with the kids to visit my parents, I’d encounter cars full of ‘complete’ families (of course that is all you see, when you feel ‘incomplete’ yourself)…and I’d get that awful nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach all over again. Always feeling the odd one out, always feeling alone, always wondering why, always asking myself for how long. I think this lasted for nearly 3 years and then all of a sudden I noticed that I no longer felt lonely and sorry for myself, but independent, happy and free.

In those 3 years, I cried full rivers, felt the heartache literally disable me physically at times yet at each worst moment, someone was there. Always a friend. Always a smile, and a hug…..words of care and wisdom….friendship in it’s purest form. To this day, it has amazed me what compassion and empathy people can give you when you need it most. I got letters from people I hardly knew, telling me how sorry they were and how unexpected it all was to them. Words of encouragement and praise for (seemingly) handling ‘it’ all so well and with dignity. Each and every time I was touched, yet felt the need to explain that I was not blameless in it all, I too had my part, and I too did my share of damage….there is never just one side to blame when two parties are involved.

I received books, cards, emails, visits, invitations to dinners, lunches, coffees, anything….and my children were loved and cuddled and listened to by all of these hero friends. At times it was hard to hear them say some of the things they said, for it was not always what I wanted to hear, but I tried my best to listen, to grow, and to evolve from the ‘lost’ person I had become. I learnt to have my own opinion again, to laugh again, to enjoy all the littlest things, I even did some things I never expected I could do. (Once I found a dead dove on the balcony and I had to pick it up to discard it, it took all my courage to do so. Death seemed an ongoing theme, for I found a dead squirrel, two dead doves, dead mice, and even a dead cat in those days. One day even a live bat in my bathroom !! All of which I must say, I survived, often with a bit of help lots of laughter and sometimes tears, joined by my heroic helpful friends).

It seems a miracle that I did. Each day was a huge task to get up, and keep going. Each day, I was grateful to have 3 wonderful children, and loving friends and family. Yet each day I wanted to try it alone. I never was alone. There was always a guardian soul somewhere. At times I even wondered how it was possible that so many people could care so much, and do so much, just for me….

Each and every person in a different way, yet still so touching and so effective. Never growing tired of  ‘being there’ for me, for us. Never.

Even now, finding myself perfectly capable of living and enjoying life to the fullest again, there is always a person hiding round the corner, surprising me with affection, kindness, and most importantly unconditional friendship. THANK YOU. Thank you for having been there, for being here and for showing me that no matter what, you will always be there.

(You all know who you are….and I love you to bits, my most important people !!!)