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This is a tough one, I once read somewhere that women offer sex in the hope they will get love, and men offer love in the hope they will get sex. I have often wondered if there is any truth to this.

Today I read an article in the newspaper saying that a 22 year old girl ‘stole’ her grandmother’s boyfriend (63). They mentioned having a great and healthy sex life. I couldn’t help but wonder why that seemed to be the most important aspect to mention. I already, at the best of times feel that this world has gone insane, and can’t by the life of me understand what the attraction between this 22 year old and 63 year old man could be. To me it seems to border on pedofile behaviour. In a way, I feel so bad for the grandmother, as she once again becomes one of those women who doesn’t stand a chance in the world of the young and beautiful.
Yes, it is only my superficial and very subjective view, as I have no idea what their relationship was like before the granddaughter made her appearance.

I guess you attract men with your sexuality, and looks, but in the end, I don’t believe that that is what will make them stay. Not the good ones…and yes, I remain convinced that there are many good men still out there. I hope that the true attraction lies within your soul, the person that you are and the joy you live your life with.

So, as women, what should we do to attract the ‘right’ man ?! I guess we start off by deciding what we want in a man and what we expect from a relationship. This seems easy enough, but of course not all of our needs will be met and there should always be room for some compromise, I think. The compromise being on the small issues, not the important ones. For instance, it’s no use making a point of someone’s small annoying habits, but it is crucial to feel that someone is truly interested in you, not just ‘passing time’ with you. No need for love at first sight, but you aren’t someone’s entertainment center until something better comes along.
Sometimes we so long for love that we confuse it with lust. It will satisfy for a while but leave you empty and alone in the end. To be honest, as women, we are worth so much more !!

It’s difficult to believe in yourself, and to retrieve your self confidence after a man has left you, or if you’ve had many relationships that ended badly. As a woman it leaves a huge dent and sometimes, when the hurt is deep, you’re tempted to believe you’re really not worth it. I went through that, and still at times struggle with it. Strangely enough, it is not an issue in my friendships, but when it comes to men, I am a total disaster.
I have no idea what I want, yet I want too much….
I say I don’t want commitment, yet feel true disappointment when I find out I am just a fling for the other person….
I long for love, yet don’t dare assume someone will ever love me again….
I want to believe ‘happily ever after’ still exists, yet all around me love seems to be ending in nightmares…
I find someone I like, only to realise they don’t feel the same way about me at all… !
So I’m stuck….And because I am stuck, I start looking for reasons why I am stuck. Only to find that there are no answers, except maybe to let go of it all and just be myself. Hoping deep down, that I will still get a chance at this…one day.

So if you get stuck in the battle between lust and love, take a deep look at your inner self and choose wisely.

I’ll take love…… in time.

I’m one of those women who can actually drive. I like it, I drive fast, I manoeuvre my car into any parking space, and I love spending hours driving around for pleasure. I watch Top Gear on Sunday night and truly enjoy it !! (Yes, the guys are funny too….sometimes..hahaha.) But if there is one thing I don’t like…it’s people who can’t drive. Whatever their reason may be of course, as some people are just too old to drive, whilst others are just plain blind, or traffic-fobic.

I don’t understand why these people still get into a car and think they will be fine. They are a threat to society and a danger to themselves and others. But mostly just a huge annoyance in my life !!!!

The other day, I had one of those days where I just seemed to be stuck behind all sorts of ‘bad’ drivers. The first was an ‘L’ labeled car, someone still following lessons and  instructions to learn how to drive. Ok, that, I can handle, as I too was in their place, a long time ago and know how awful it can be. So, I respectfully left some distance between us.

Just a little later I had my second encounter…an older man, tiny by the looks of it, as he could barely see over his steering wheel, and I imagine his feet could only just reach the gas pedal and breaks, let alone press down  the clutch once in a while. Now, this time I was annoyed yet I did feel some sympathy as he surely couldn’t help being small.

The third one, and yes these are the types I truly detest on the road, … those who can’t drive, yet think they can….!!! They stay on the left lane as long as possible ‘pretending’ they are going to overtake…God know’s who…..(…. there usually isn’t a vehicle in sight …)!! Then finally, after dropping subtle hints,  I’ll decide to overtake them on the right. It is THEN…when they decide it is time to go back to the right lane. Thank goodness experience has taught me that 90% of the people do this, so I am well prepared to step on my breaks and have of course scanned my mirrors ahead of time to see if a slick move back to the left lane is possible. And it usually is for me. After overtaking this ‘wacko’ individual, I usually step on it and can always be assured of angry flickering headlights behind me, as of course Mr.or Mrs ‘fantastic driver’ knows best !

This type of situation, always ends up in a ‘stoplight meeting’ somewhere….where I end up looking to my left, only to realise it is Mr. or Mrs. ‘fantastic driver’ next to me. Who, of course, is enjoying the moment, as I have by then gone back to the right lane (as you’re supposed to do) and he or she is back on the left lane, and therefore right back next to me. If I’m lucky I won’t have anyone infront of me and I will blast off once the lights go green. BUT….of course life is not always as you hope, so at the worst of times I am stuck behind someone who has all the time in the world and steps on the gas pedal about 30 seconds after the lights have turned green. By this time, and yes, 30 seconds seem to take hours in this case…I myself start to turn all shades of green!!

I’ve learnt to breathe and just let go of these small irritations, as it was eating away at me from time to time.
But of course I am human and I still occasionally suffer from traffic impatience ! That, combined with South American temperament and being able to swear in 4 different languages makes me a great driver ! 😉

I can only hope that I will be sensible enough myself to quit driving before I’m a hazard to anyone else on the road !!!

Ok, I have no idea why it happens, but it happens…Every time I meet a half descent guy, get to know him a little, and feel we may have some kind of connection, he does a 180° on me.

I just don’t get it and can’t seem to understand it. Is it me ? Do I scare them away ? Do I make them run, hide and flee as fast as they can ?! I can’t say I’ve been anything but friendly and my own jolly self. Yet it seems that it is not what the men I have been attracted to want.

Then again, what DO men want ? Should I play the ‘hard to get’ game ?! Is it true men are such hunters that they want what they can’t have ?! To be honest, I can’t find it in me to play these ‘games’…it’s just not who I am. And if anything I feel I should be true to myself.  Yes, I’m 37, have 3 kids, live in a town where divorce rates are extremely high, yet most of those men seem to only want to ‘start over’ with a woman 20 years their minor. To top it all off, I live in Belgium yet I seem to prefer the spontineity of a Dutch man. I guess this makes my search for the perfect guy for me impossible. Friends have told me exactly that, many a time.

It’s not that I feel incomplete without a man, because I truly don’t, but I just don’t think I’m meant to go through life alone. I don’t think anyone is meant to go through life alone… (Please note that I am not alone in the entire sense of the word, as I have my 3 wonderful kids, a warm and loving family and fantastic friends.)

When I signed myself up at an online dating site, it seemed wonderful at first. So many  faces, and wonderful sounding profiles. Yet now, after experiencing it on and off for nearly a year, I realise it is like watching tv with the remote control in your hand…you’re watching something on one channel, but as soon as you start switching channels, and stop concentrating on the one thing you were watching, then this feeling of ‘missing out’ seems to take over and the channel switching, before you know it, becomes a habit.

So, am I scaring these potential dates away ? Is it something I do, or don’t do?  Or are they running from something else? Is it my ‘package deal’ that makes them hesitant? Or do they have other issues of their own?

Who is to say….

At least now I know that I CAN do this all by myself, that I CAN go out to parties alone, that I CAN have a great social life, and that I CAN do anything I set my mind to…but ….and this ‘BUT’ is crucial… I don’t WANT to have to do it all alone. I’d love to know that there is someone out there who likes me, I’m not even talking about love yet. It would be a great start to just find someone who likes me enough to want to keep seeing me, to want to spend time with me and someone I too feel that way about. Someone who will not run away because I have 3 kids, or because I live far away, or because I’m not a perfect dress size. Someone who will appreciate all of those things and so much more that I have to offer, instead of viewing it as a big challenge and huge obstacle.

So, in the meantime I will keep hoping, keep believing and remain in great expectation of the guy that may one day set foot in my life and who will wholeheartedly mean it.