Category: Miesblog

I’ve often noticed that when my kids are ill, and suffer from fevers, that a while after recovery they seem to have made some sort of incredible jump in life. Be it in actual growth, or intellectual ability. It’s as if whatever illness they went through  jump starts the body into the next level. And it’s been like that every single time.

This time, I got the flu, it hit me unexpectedly and hard. There was no other option but to lie in bed and sleep, waiting patiently for it to make its hit and run. And that’s exactly how it felt, as if I’d been hit and run over…!
I’m not a very patient patient to say the least, and I prefer taking a few painkillers and just getting on with life, but this time round my trick wasn’t gonna do the trick.

I woke up feeling as if I’d been hit by a number of cars, and then bulldozed over just to really crunch those last left over intact bones. Too weak to get up, too weak to move, I could only think how strong willed my friend with breast cancer must be, to keep ‘surviving’ each chemo-hit, that leaves her probably in an even worse state than this ‘innocent’ flu left me. There and then I decided that I have great respect for her, and all others going through that hell, yet always finding the courage to continue.

So, kind of feeling like a man having the ‘man-flu’, weak, tired and sorry for myself. The only option was to just let it hit me and be done with it. Easier said than done, with 3 kids expecting their mom to beat anything.

I found out that children don’t quite like having a mom, who’s not supermom….and stays in bed all day, moaning and groaning, in pj’s and with a volcanic hairstyle from all the tossing and turning. Great help though from my eldest who really did sympathise and took over like a real pro. I’d like to take credit for her great caring heart, but it’s not me she gets it from. I’m a lot tougher when someone is sick, whilst she makes you feel cared for and pampered.

Exes can be ‘handy’ at these times, for they can entertain and take the kids with them, to give you some much needed rest and peace and quiet.
Even so, I don’t remember much of the past few days, as I was in and out of sleep most of the time, only coming out of bed to help co-ordinate meals and lunchboxes. Strange, how you miss out on a few days yet life goes on as usual.

After spending 3 days in bed, I woke up and felt my body had returned, the aches and pains were gone and it felt like total bliss, I was back…weak, and pale, but back !!!

Like I said though, these things come in pairs…..and not only had I been ill, but a strange new life was there by the time I woke up to feeling better. A life that is filled with great changes, uncertainty, and new expectations. I’m a little weary of it, but know that as usual things will turn out the way they should, in the end.
The pre-flu-me, has turned into post-flu-me, and with that I take careful steps into unknown territory, praying that karma sticks with me and I keep seeing the bright side of life in all that is to come.

Turned 38…to the tune of my daughters’ first contrived song lyrics. What a delight !!! I don’t think I’ve ever felt that emotionally struck, or is it because I’m growing older !? The sentiment of it all hit a chord in my heart and out flowed the tears of happiness and great pride. I must say my kids aren’t perfect, because no one is or should be,  but they have their heart in the right place and that’s what counts !!

It’s not even a week later and already I am showing signs of old age…my shoulder is excruciatingly painful and I’m probably suffering from some sort of infection or other, which makes it hard to do almost anything, from strapping on my bra in the mornings to finding a comfortable position to fall a sleep in at night. But as we all know life goes on and I’m pretty sure there are much worse things I could be suffering from. So, even though I’m in pain, I’m thankful it’s a temporary thing.

Now that I’m nearing my fortieth birthday, slowly but surely, time seems to leap instead of steadily move along like it used to. Why is that ?! Why does it feel like I’m already halfway through life ?! I’m not quite sure I like it, I don’t enjoy the idea that I may be entering the latter half of it all. That my youthful years may lie behind me, as if ‘season one’ of my life is finished and ‘season two’ is about to air, and as commonly known, season two never seems to outshine the first one.

So what awaits in the second half of life ?! Through the agitation of what may come, I also feel an utter calm. A feeling of peace, that seems to grow within me as the days, months and years keep ticking away. The satisfaction of having brought children into the world is a great one. Something I am proud of and still enjoy every single day being a stay at home mother.

Realising that even though we are no longer a family that lives under one roof together, we will always be connected by that essential word ..‘family’, even though in time we will all end up going our separate ways. There is nothing that can break the bond we have and ‘coming home‘ will always mean the same. Because in essence we are ‘fund-and-mentally’ linked for life.

So, having fixed my shoulder with a shot of cortisone ( a medication I used to associate with ‘old people’ ..). I can once again fold laundry, clean, cook, make love and kick some ass !!

Determined to make the best ‘part two‘, possible, I proceed through my midlife crisis and enjoy the craziness  that comes with it, for there is no way, I will go back to being the boring young girl that I used to be.

In life, unlike in the movies, I think it may actually only get better !!!

Why is it, that the older we get, the more demanding we become in the friendships we have.This sets us up, for disappointments that we may only have ourselves to blame for. At times expectations are high, and if we don’t comply with what friends expect of us, we appear rude and uncaring. Other times we are the ones who feel back stabbed or disillusioned, by our friends’ actions. In times of personal need we easily feel neglected when everybody is too busy with their own life, to care, and we also feel taken advantage of and hurt when the friendship appears mainly one sided. Sometimes we may even find ourselves competing for first place award in the fraternity league, stepping over everyone and anyone who may get in the way.

So what is it we want, and truly expect from our friends ?! Should we give as much as we get ?! Do friendships thrive on co-depency or is that exactly what kills them ?! What is the right balance ?!

In this world of constant turbulence and desire for more and better, we even put our friends through the ‘are-you-good-enough–for-my-needs‘ test. We want them to be there for us unconditionally, yet we know that it is something we ourselves might not even be prepared to offer. We expect so much for so little in return. It doesn’t seem fair or even logical. How can we want something we won’t even value once ours. It baffles me that we are greedy enough to feel entitled to a luxury good we can’t truly afford, that of true friendship, for only when we offer the same thing in return this becomes a fair trade.

I often wonder what example we may be setting for our younger generations, we’ve gone back to Darwinian times where it seems that ‘survival of the fittest’ is what counts. Hereby eradicating all other options. It is slowly becoming a very egocentric world, where only that which we ourselves most want, matters. This is where the ‘trouble’ starts if you ask me. By putting our needs before others constantly, we neglect what may be the more preferable option in specific situations. No consideration is taken for others and therefore we end up living in a ‘theatrical play’ that we nowadays most commonly call ‘friendship‘. But this type of friendship has nothing to do with real friendship, it is just a weak extract of the true commitment it ought to be.

Through thick and thin, is one of the key elements I believe, and like in other relationships love and empathy lie at the base, a kind of love that cares and protects. One that accepts the good with the bad, because we’re all human and none of us is perfect.

When I was a little girl I learnt a rhyme at school :

Make new friends, but keep the old,
One is silver but the other gold. 

It struck a chord that kept me in tune with what friendship entails.

I have to admit that it is not always easy and it’s also not possible to befriend anyone and everyone. There are people with whom there just isn’t a connection however hard we may try. Sometimes I catch myself not being a good enough friend, putting my needs before my friends’ needs. Somehow though I think that is where we find the balance, in learning when it’s time to give and when it’s ok to receive. One thing that may characterize a good from a great friendship is the amount of effort we put into the giving and the thankfulness that goes into receiving.

For what it’s worth, friendships are valuable and fragile and maybe we should all try a little harder to see the wonder of it all, a little more often. Stopping to think about how much that other person really means to you. Learning to appreciate one another in good times and bad times, for better and for worse, in sickness and in health, because many, many friendships outlast any other kind of commitment !!!