Category: Miesblog

Paulo Coelho Writing books is a socially acceptable form of getting naked in public

If you thought the tales of the rich were over and done with in my last ‘Riches’ blog, then I’m afraid you’ve been left with a wrong impression. Many more shall follow !!

Last week I had the pleasure of enjoying a ladies lunch in a beautiful countrylike setting, it was a ‘bring your own delicious dish’  theme and for some reason women my age seem to crave sweetness, so there was plenty of cream, strawberries, merengue, cake and chocolate…!!

I makes me wonder if this is a lack of sex, warmth and heartfelt comfort at this age…then again, it may just have been coincidence…

Whilst enjoying the scrumptious food, we chitter-chattered about life’s challenges big and small. One of us has breast cancer, another has so many kids that we can hardly keep track of their activities anymore and yet another is actively looking for a job, the rest is stuck somewhere in the middle… and then there’s me, ‘the single one’. All of us provided the group with plenty of discussion material to entertain the whole luncheon-ordeal ! In the ongoing conversation I found out that apparently we not only have gardeners to trim and cut our lawns these days, but deer have also been spotted in this neighbour-robin‘-hood of wealth !!! Yes, ‘deer’….as in Rudolf, the rednosed reindeer… I could not believe my ears for I never imagined such a noble animal trotting down these ‘foul’ rich grounds, let alone trusting us with their calves whilst mother dear deer is off to hunt!!

Having spent the afternoon lunching and lounging….I went home, carrying a pretty full tummy of contentment with my life. The thing is…no matter what situation you’re in, it’s all about seeing and aknowledging the positives !!(Yes, I know I keep repeating that….it’s called a mantra.)

So….this week, during a night out with the girls, we were discussing weekend plans and one of my friends had the most brilliant idea, she was planning a trip to the beach with the kids and another friend and why not have a beach bbq ?! And not JUST a beach bbq, no…..a portable one !!! Yes, I can see you imagining this tiny ‘use only once apparatus’, but no, when we talk beach bbq around here, we mean business, and so a huge Weber ‘full option bbq’ is packed onto a special towing device at the back of the Range to join the beachgirls on their outing. Afterall an afternoon at the beach in late summer is not complete without one !! And because so many of the men around here have no time at the weekend to join in this funfilled family outing, due to their golfing and sailing activities….the bbq is ‘girl-friendly’ !!!

You gotta love my friends, they all know how to re-invent life each and every time !!

After that much laughter over the portable bbq-trailer, a much needed visit to the loo was required. The staircase to and from the toilets was pretty steep the first time round, so I was a bit nervous now, having had a few drinks…but this place wouldn’t prove it’s decadence if it didn’t have an elevator …..and so, with a quick press on the button, we flew from ground floor to first(class) and back.

Towards the end of the evening and without even having had a drink too many, I realised that all the men looked alike, they were all just different versions of each other …one a little thinner than the other, another a bit older than the other, some a bit taller and slightly more handsome. All ‘extreem-look-a-likes’ . You’d think it would make it easier to choose from, just pick and pluck what you want, but what happens if, like in my case, it just isn’t your type-of-guy ???  Well, you go home and sleep on him it.

Driving through town the other morning I had an epiphany about something quite crucial. It hit me, just like that, between the grocery shop and the bakery… I am no longer capable of having a relationship. I guess I have been pivoting around this point for a long time now…but just like that, it became apparent that I cannot give my heart completely. Worse even…I no longer want to give my heart to someone. It is safe and very well protected right where it is. Even so, I’m convinced that I still think, speak and feel with it, my emotional state has not been struck by this disfunction, so whatever happened, I just no longer have the desire to hand my heart over, to share it, or to take another’s heart into mine.

I can no longer imagine what it is like to have the undying desire to see one particular person every single day, to have the need to be with him as often as possible…. These all seem distant and far away yearnings that I have forgotten how to have and wonder why we even have them at all. I even tend to compare relationships to how people watch tv, ‘always hoping to find a better program on the other channel’ and thus I assume that I will not be an item of lengthy or long interest, for the next available girl is just around the corner, also waiting to be swept away, and as easily accessible as that next channel.

No offense to those in relationships, but how the heck, do you keep the spark alive ?! I can’t begin to remember what it all entails and how I managed it  for so long. At the time I think I never realised how long it was lasting and everyday must have felt like a new beginning. Now it just doesn’t seem to feel right anymore. I have become accustomed to my newfound freedom and don’t think it would be easy to adjust and cope with someone else’s likes and dislikes.

I like being the queen of my castle, and will not abide by any king again.

I have the deepest respect for those that are still producing that magic potion called love and managing to make it last for years and years. My ‘awakening’ has shocked it out of me…who knows maybe only temporarily….

It must sound incredibly selfish and maybe even a little egocentric, but my life now revolves around me and my wishes, taking into consideration only, that I have 3 children who also require some much needed ‘parking’ space on these castle grounds !!
It has been a great challenge to even get to this point…never did the thought cross my mind that I may one day feel completely happy as a single girl. That life would be fun, and so freedom-filled and that the thought of being with someone would worry me instead of thrill me…….