Category: Miesblog

Today, I will try to keep things a little ‘lighter’. Weight and looks seem to be issues we women struggle with endlessly. When I was 21, my life as a single girl ended as I moved in with my boyfriend who would later become my husband. I was skinny compared to how I look nowadays. Reasonably wrinkle free and my hair had full colour and showed no signs of ever becoming gray. The years have passed, and I’m back to being a single girl having had a wonderfully ‘full’ life of deliciousness and the wrinkles on my face are a map of the path I have taken so far.  I’m afraid it’s something that can’t secretly be ‘tucked’ away anymore!!!

Any excuse to crave for chocolate is a valid one, and of course you have to alternate sweet with something salty, followed by sweet yet again. Isn’t that how all women do it ?! I’m sure it’s hormonal, as I don’t like to think I have no self-discipline over this craving. It would make me feel like a bit of a loser, and of course I’m not ! 😉

The countless attempts at losing weight and excercising more, could nearly earn me a mention in the The Guiness Book of World Records, if you ask me ! It is incredible that I still manage to start each diet with the same amount of enthousiasm,  and I remain ever so confident and convinced that THIS time will work !!

The winter months are slowly disappearing and making place for more daylight hours and plenty of sun. All of a sudden I get panic attacks, because in just a few months I need to be able to parade around in my bikini ! It must be said that at a certain age, it is no longer only a weight issue when it comes to bikini’s .. gravity too plays it’s part in ‘things’ becoming southward bound! Yes, by ‘things’ I do mean boobs and bums. That, in combination with crater like dents on my legs and hips, makes it even less likely that my bikini fittings will leave me with positive vibes..

I carried my children with great joy, and loved to feel their every move in my tummy, only to find that they left their mark to remind me of those pleasures. I’m sure you can imagine that this too creates a bikini fobia for me.To top it all off, I am now a 37 year old single girl/mom and realise that the older I get, the less attractive my body may actually become.

Friends tell me it is all in the mind. If we believe we look good then that is exactly what will shine through. If we feel sexy, then we are sexy. If we are confident and happy about who we are, then people will feel attracted to our charisma. How true !! But even so, it does not take away the fact that one day, maybe, in the future, I will be in a relationship once again and I will have to get undressed, and be left standing in the bearness of my being, wondering why I never followed through with my diet and excercise routine. Yet hoping my inner self will shine through and blurr the actual naked sight of me.

In preparation of that day, I am once again into healthy eating and zumba dancing, well on my way to break my own record !! 😉

Lately I have noticed that I am getting quite used to life without a man around the house. You get to choose what to watch on TV, dinners are healthy but very simple, chores are done by me anyway so I don’t have to bother getting upset that the man in my life isn’t doing them. and I can jump into my pyjama’s at 7pm if I wish to do so. What I say goes and there is no discussion from anyone…not even the kids as they are still young enough to actually listen. (Yes, I do realize this will soon change ! And of course my kids don’t always listen…) I have gathered great knowledge about swimming pool pumps, home electrics, plumbing, and cars. It’s funny how, you learn to do stuff, out of pure necessity. Things you’d never thought you could do let alone understand, become second nature.

In my case it was due to the separation that I became self sufficient in certain fields. But there is also another type of ’emancipation’ in my town. Psychologists even have a name for such women, they are called the ‘green widows’. Green because we are surrounded by parks, forests and nature (and of course huge gardens). And ‘widows’ because many of the husbands in these surroundings are hard working professionals who spend hours, days and weeks away from home to build great careers and even greater businesses. Thus, the wives are ‘left behind’ to fend for themselves, often having to take care of the kids, pets, houses and of course their maids and gardeners. Not to mention the whole army of plumbers, electricians, painters, and handymen they have to meticulously guide around their homes in their ever changing interiors.

It is a thrill to hear of renovation projects, children’s rooms being restyled, gardens remodeled, and entire homes being replaced by newer and more family friendly ones. This in turn seems to also be a trend with the hard working men that hardly see their homes…they start their quest for a ‘home away from home’. This time it doesn’t involve bricks and mortar, but age and beauty.

In the old days you used to be the ‘kept’ woman if you weren’t married to the man in question, but nowadays, it seems the roles have switched, or have they not ?! As I found a definition online of a ‘kept woman’ being; “the woman kept house while the man hunted”. I guess in a way, that is still true, even though it seems to have become a different type of ‘hunting’ !

Anyway as most of us proudly bring up our kids and take on our household chores, life seems to take some shocking turns at around the magic age of 40. We either get fed up of being home alone and having to fend for ourselves on that front, or our beloved spouse decides there is a more adventurous life in fancy faraway places (like the office, or local bars). Funny thing is, that most of these cases are so alike that I have often wondered if someone is secretly handing out booklets on how to set out on this foolishly passionate adventure.
I have a theory about why women leave and why men leave too. You see, I think a woman leaves once she feels unappreciated, unloved and she reaches a point where she is just fed up with it all. A man funnily enough is nearly the same, he too will have felt unappreciated, unloved, but he will have smarlty found a replacement before leaving. Another woman.

No need to explain what happens next I think…once again, someone starts to plan great big renovations, changes are made to the newly aquired house whilst dearest husband works hard long hours, far away to pay for it all, only to help continue the ongoing circle of life’s natural evolution. Divorce and Marriage.

I’m sorry…did I not mention the children anymore ?! Maybe that is because in these cases they are the first to be forgotten….

Hopefully we will have taught them well and they will grow into confident, happy and loving parents and spouses, afterall isn’t that exactly the example we gave them ?!

My friend’s husband turned 40 and had a theme party with his friends and family and yes, I too was invited. The fun started a few weeks in advance as the invitation said disco outfits were compulsory ! As you  may know by now, any reason is a good reason to shop !! This meant we could start our quest for the best disco look ever !! A friend of mine ordered her outfit at an online webshop http://www.feestbeest.nl/, and after taking a look myself, I too ordered my party attire ! The fun had begun !!
Yesterday was the big day, and after getting ready and dressing up, I stepped into my car and was on my way to dinner at another friend’s house first. Dressed in a psychodelic colourful dress, a bright pink wig and huge orange sunglasses I think I shocked the entire neighbourhood with my new look !! It was a great big giggle journey…

Arriving at my friend’s house she opened the door and looked fantastic herself !! She was wearing bellbottom’s and a frilly blouse. Her husband who has extremely short hair in real life, all of a sudden had turned into Ozzy Osbourne ! We looked hilarious and could only laugh at each other ! A few minutes later the bell rang and  two other friends walked in…Elvis and Mrs Glitter !!! Elvis even had fluffy chest hair !!
Doesn’t life become a thrill once you take on a different personality !?!

After a delicious dinner and lots of jokes and laughter, we welcomed 2 more friends, he looked like a 70’s version of side show Bob, and I swear she was wearing my mum’s old curtain pattern on an authentic disco jumpsuit, they too were dressed to kill !! Off we were…and our mission was ..DISCO INFERNO !!

All of us, wigs and all, drove through town on our way to the party destination…On arrival we were welcomed by my friend who suddenly looked like Meryll Streep in Mamma Mia….(a real super trooper !!) . The birthday  ‘boy’ was dressed in a white suit with black shirt and huge black afro hair-wig….the disco vibes were all over him !!

It was a night of true disco inferno….the heat was on !! We danced the night away, and held very important filosofical conversations in the kitchen. Plans were made, ideas were born and years were rewinded !!

A little after midnight we all  thanked  the wonderful hosts, crossed the street, only to find my car ……. had been decorated with balloons from the party!! All filled with hellium, blue and white, perky and proudly pointing at the sky ! I couldn’t believe my eyes !! I loved it ! What a wonderful sight ! I stepped into the car, pink wig, balloons and all and drove home proudly and with great joy in the middle of the night !

That night my friend had said something  that stuck with me… she said it would be so nice if we could just have the ‘in between bits’, meaning it would be better to only have life’s good parts, leaving out the stuff we don’t like.

I guess it seems like a wonderful idea, but experience has taught me that without the bad and tough parts in life, we wouldn’t be greatful for the good and wonderful bits. Only after difficulties is life able to give us it’s most glorious moments !!!

For a long time I had a wonderful quote that kept me going…

“In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer” Albert Camus

I think it says it all…. xx

Ok, I admit, one of the consequences of having met the love of your life at a very young age, is that  you miss out on a lot of fun stuff in your teens. I know I did, even though at the time I didn’t notice or mind ! Afterall, I was in love, and it was all that mattered.

It is utterly embarrassing  to have been drunk for the first time in my life at age 34… it was a mojito filled evening drunk through a straw… Surrounded by friends and of course Mrs.Goldflower…as some of you may remember…
Yes, Mrs.Goldflower was a real treat to the eye.. nearly 2 decades older than me, yet with perfect ‘Madame Tussaud’ skin, a body many models would die for, a gorgeous winter tan  and elastic legs ! ‘Mrs.Goldflower’…   had a flower decorated handbag and was dressed in gold ! Hence the name.
It was a funfilled evening with many table discussions about men and women in their midlife crisis, and it ended as a true tearjerker. It is a well known fact that women are emotional human beings, and I guess we feel compelled to join in when anybody starts crying, afterall, it’s a great excuse to let it all out, without anybody thinking anything of it !

I had to be driven home by one of my best friends that night. Another friend’s husband kindly drove my car home. How embarrasing is that !?! The kids were upstairs sound asleep. My friend walked me into the house and tried her best to keep me from talking nonsense to the babysitter, she, of course failed horribly, but thankfully I have forgotten what foolish things I must have said. I hope she has too !
At the time I had a great dane, she was a wonderfully caring scooby doo type dog called ‘Fleur’. I remember being ushered up the stairs by my friend and nearly tripping over my dog as she seemed to sense something was ‘abnormal ‘about me that night. In an attempt to guard over me, she nearly tripped us both and walking up the stairs with her ‘on guard’, became a true challenge in the state I was in.
In bed, with some painkillers as a quick-fix-remedy for the next morning, I dozed off into a twirl of a nightmare, only to find that being drunk made my room turn faster than any rollercoaster I had ever been on.

The next morning I was awakened by my kids, bright and early (of course ) !! I realised that I had promised my in laws to visit them and I got up, did the whole English breakfast, bacon, eggs, and even baked beans, thing and was on my way. Luckily I have great parents in law and we all laughed about it over lunch !

The other day I went out for my weekly coffee with one of my best friends. Being creatures of habit we always go to the same place, and have enjoyed the extra service we get there. A young man who is always equipped with a wonderful smile and friendly wink a’wait’s us. This time after months of visiting, I decided to be bold and right after we ordered our drinks, I asked the handsome young man his age. My friend, who is extremely polite, prim and  proper, nearly died of embarrasement, as my question clearly seemed out of line for her ! I guess that even by my standards I had jumped to the next ‘dare-to-ask’ level.
He blushed and informed us he was 24.
“Right”, I said. “Hmmm….”
He built up the courage to ask me if I had thought he was younger or older than that. I told him I had a feeling he was younger. He seemed flattered and thanked me. This whole scene led to my friend diagnosing me as having a ‘Pubic Revival’ which in simple terms means I am reliving my teens, and early twenty’s doing stuff most people have allready done by the time they are my age. I laughed, but when I got home I realised she was right. Life has become an exciting open ended journey and I have finally embarked !!

Recently I’ve started to date again. It has been a real challenge, as the world seems to be running out of decent men.
I joined an internet dating site out of curiosity and it has felt as if I have been doing catalogue shopping ever since! Yoohoo! A girl just loves to shop, right?

The site I joined has easy access for all, and you can mainly scroll through literally millions of pictures of (available) men – (or women if that’s your preference). You’d think that such a collection of men would be more than enough to choose from, but when you find yourself having been viewed by five thousand of them and you realize there may be two or three that you actually would consider as potential dates it kind of shatters your expectations.

One of the first guys I chatted with, seemed too good to be true, he was good looking, a model, a few years younger than me and keen to set up a date. I was thrilled ! I printed his picture and of course showed it to all my girlfriends, who in turn told me I was out of my mind as they were in total disbelief. Once he and I had decided to actually meet and have our first date, he suddenly disappeared off the site. Yikes…I thought, now what?! A few weeks later I received an email from him telling me to check out his new website.I did… and to my great astonishment he had started his own business. He was a gigolo!!!

A few months ago he re-appeared on the dating site and had checked out my profile again, so we got back in touch for a little while. Last month a friend of mine told me he was featured in a women’s magazine, an article about his life as a gigolo… I guess it made a great ending to that ‘dating’ experience…!

In the meantime I had kept scrolling and window shopping….and found myself a new potential date. Of course he was Dutch… yes I do seem to have an outspoken favouritism for Dutch men. We decided to meet halfway, he would take the train and I would pick him up at the station. As inexperienced as I was at this, I even told him what colour and brand my car was so he couldn’t miss me. So…on a Thursday night, I drove to our meeting point and as I approached the station I could see my ‘date’ waiting for me. Instinctively I wanted to keep driving as withing 2 seconds I had decided he was not the man for me!

But he recognized my car, waved at me, got in and as he introduced himself I kept thinking ‘Oh my goodness, how do I get rid of this guy as soon as possible?’ He produced a list of possible activities we could do (can you believe it?! Who does that, I wondered?!!). I told him I wasn’t too hungry and that maybe we could just have a quick bite somewhere. We found a cosy restaurant and I ordered the smallest salad on the menu, he proceeded to order a full blown meal for himself.

The chit-chat started and I realised that I was only paying so much attention to his words, but ever so much attention to his hair! Yes, his hair…! On the way over to the restaurant he had mentioned not having been able to get his hair thinned out lately. I found it odd that a man would be preocupied with such detail, but figured he was just being polite and making conversation. So, sitting there opposite him at the table I couldn’t help but investigate his hairdo…it was awful. He seemed to have thicker hair at the front of his head and it looked a bit like a bird’s nest. All of a sudden he excused himself. I couldn’t help but giggle at the whole situation, and of course sent around a few text messages to curious girlfriends, wondering how my date was going.

When the guy came back to the table and sat down, I couldn’t believe my eyes…he had actually attempted to ‘fix’ his hair!!! And it was wet, the waterdrops were even dripping down his sideburns and forehead. At this point I knew I had to get out of there as soon as possible, or I’d never stop laughing. I hurried him along and we paid for our meals. We quickly made our way to my car as it was raining cats and dogs. (Imagine what THAT did to his hair.  I don’t think I’ve ever driven that fast in a town I didn’t know, just so I could drop him off at the station as soon as possible…

I parked my car close to the curb and politely gave my date a handshake, he pulled me towards him and kissed me…

WOW, I thought, this guy is a great kisser..!!! And then visions of his weird-and-nesty-hair flew through my mind and I heard the bus honking it’s horn behind us, in a flash I stopped kissing, told my date he had to leave, pushed him out and found myself driving away, waving at him whilst he stood in the pouring rain flabbergasted and in shock waving back at me.
I roared with laughter and couldn’t stop … never again will I go out with a guy who’s having a ‘bad hair’ day (date), I thought… !

xx