Intercontinental Supermom

Packed our bags…ready to go….

The kids and I are off on our first intercontinental trip together ever…just the four of us. I feel utterly responsible and a little nervous because I’m the only adult in charge, and for some strange reason I still kind of feel an UM (an Unaccompanied Minor). First we’re taking the train and then a seven hour flight to Bahrain. Will I manage with two suitcases, and three kids to watch over ?!

Of course I will !!

It will be peanuts….I’ve gotten used to travelling alone with them now. Last year we took a trip to France. I drove for 9 straight hours, the kids felt like the Three Musketeers in the back of our Volvo and I was their hero mom, with my GPS man always available for on the spot traffic news updates.

We had a blast that summer. Packed a picnic, drinks and plenty of junkfood to survive any major six month war, and off we were. By the time we’d been in the car for 20 solid minutes, most of the sandwiches had been devoured, and our first sanitary stop was pleaded. Impatient as I am, I explained that at this rate we would never get to the south of France. So, after a quick stop, we jumped back in the car and decided to only stop again if strictly necessary. I must say the kids are now pro’s at this. We stop, jump out, refuel, pay, kids and I rush to the toilets and then we dash back to the car, ready for our next stretch. Sometimes we only stop for fuel and my son has become very handy at urinating in an empty plastic bottle in full motion ! 😉 I am so proud of him !

So, this should be a piece of cake.

I’ve explained about the different religious customs over there and even though they find some aspects incomprehensible, I think they understand that they need to be on their best behaviour. We’re off to visit my sister and her family, who left last year to settle in dust town ! They have been enjoying the expat life one that we too had as children of expat parents. Sunny weather and warm temperatures have been predicted and so we’ve happily packed our swimsuits and slippers, sunblock in hand we say goodbye to the cloudy, rainy and cold European weather !

Something I may have casually left out of my heroic tale, is that I am terrified of flying. Hence my drive to France last year. It is a fear I do not wish upon my children, so I buckle up and bravely pretend I love it. Last year on a trip to Denmark with the kids, my son kept asking me when the plane was going to crash. Having no idea what or how to answer him, I kind of ignored the question, constantly pretending I could spot something utterly amazing through the window and so leading his attention away from my biggest fear. It’s true I think, what they say, children have a sixth sense for these things and so tomorrow we will all be getting on the plane and whilst my kids are scared to death that we will crash, I will be in utter zen mode, pretending I am totally at peace about flying. As usual we will say our prayers before take off and hope that God will stick to our unspoken deal. (If we are to crash, let it be straight away and not after a long and stressful flight, that is just plane plain cruel.) Supermom and the three musketeers flying off to new horizons.

Who’s kidding whom huh ?!!

Busted

For years I thought I was invincible…

I’m not one of those people that drives fast in an agressive way, I just love the way my car feels as it’s floating over the road, when I reach a certain speed. I love to drive, and when possible I will drive at vfast velocity. For years I have been lucky enough not to get caught and only sometimes did a fine end up on my doorstep.
Last summer I drove through the french countryside and I think the kids only remember seeing stripes of green and lavender as we speeded over the perfectly maintained toll roads. At times joined by another fellow speedster each taking turns leading the way, only stopping for fuel or quick sanitary breaks.

Twice last week, a friend of mine had to give me a call, asking me if I had been the blue blurr racing past. And both times I had to admit that I had been in a hurry and was driving slightly over the limit.

Many friends predicted that one day…I would get caught….and yet..I felt invincible.

Last Saturday, the kids and I were on our way to visit my parents and the roads were empty and calm. Plenty of space to enjoy pressing down the accelerator and of course I did just that. Without going into great detail suffice it to say, it was plenty fast.
Then a little white figure on a motorbike appeared in the distance and I let go of the gaspedal and even stepped on my breaks a bit, hoping (against better judgement ) that I would not be noticed. I drove right past the police officer and for a second thought he may not follow, but he did, and of course signed me to follow him to the next stop. So I did.

At arrival, I was greated by an entire army of  police men (none of which seemed nice enough, as by now I’m sure you all know I screen for possible dates in whatever situation …;-)).
The motorbike officer, a bearded fellow who looked a lot like a young version of Santa Claus, asked me for my drivers license and registration. I handed everything over and sheepishly asked him if maybe he could let me off with a warning this time. He could hardly believe what I had just asked of him and kindly but strictly reminded me that I had been caught on camera, and that  I had exceeded the limit by so much that I had to hand in my license per direct.

I was overcome by a sense of  impossibility, yet I did not feel the need to rebel or throw a tantrum about it. I let it go, and accepted my fate.

Whilst I sat there filling in papers, answering questions and blowing into a weird box to test for alcohol ( which by the way would have been ridiculous to have in my blood at 11.30am !) I realised I was not as invincible as I had thought. My drivers license was confiscated and I will presumably have to make due without it for the next 15 days.

A friend and his wife were kind enough to come to the rescue and drive me, the car and the kids home. I felt defeated, numbed and especially silly for having thought I could avoid ever getting caught.

Now, feeling amputated in a way, I find myself dependant on others and their kindness to drive this caught out speed offender around.
Have I learnt my lesson?  I cannot yet say…as I may be harbouring a Speedy Gonzales dna  perpetrator within me. Question is…does he speak fine language ?! Or does he too believe he is invincible ?!

To speed or not to speed, that remains is the question…. 😉

Mr. Hunky Dory Pagent

Last Thursday we held the Mr. Hunky Dory Pagent and in doing so decided to raise some money and awareness for breast cancer research, and so we made it a funfilled charity event !
Most of the fun was in the preparation of it all. One of my best friends and I went into town Tuesday on our quest for the perfect gift to give to our winning contestant. Seeing as it was only men competing, we could think of only one theme of interest…sex. So off we went to the sex shop to buy a prize worthy gift.

We couldn’t quite find the shop and decided to call my friend’s husband and ask him for directions. This led to a lunch date with him in town…..we agreed to meet him in a cosy restaurant next to the sexshop. My friend and I chose a table to sit at and were suddenly bulleted by sugar cubes…the culprits were two men sitting upstairs, one a friend and aquaintance, the other I had only met once before. They too joined us at our table and we started telling them about our Mr. Hunky Dory Pagent and Pink Ribbon cause with great enthousiasm. The guy I hardly knew suddenly offered me dvd’s, as many as I would like he said. I didn’t quite get it and wondered what it was he was actually offering me, but without letting on that I had no clue, I kept the conversation going and told them all about our intent for the pagent. Again he offered me dvd’s this time he asked me how many I would need …20…, 30… and that I could pick them up right after lunch as he had them at the office. By this stage, I really wanted to know what kind of dvd’s he was talking about, so I cautiously asked him. Everyone at the table started laughing, and as it turns out, he organizes the erotic fairs and he was offering me sextapes. I’m afaid I felt truly naive, but I thanked him and took him up on his offer !!

Thursday….the ex, our kids and I went to hang up all the balloons and the Mr. Hunky Dory Pagent  2010 banner, which was kindly donated to me by the ex. – I think he still thought I was going to be Mr. Hunky Dory’s prize and he was probably happy to finally be getting rid of me once and for all ! 😉

We started off our festivities with a girly dinner at the Chinees restaurant and then we were off to the café hosting our event! I pinned all the women with home made pink ribbons and started my search for Mr. Hunky Dory’s. Two men offered to do a catwalk show on the bar practically straight away, and as promised they got on the bar, and gave us a fantastic show…hips and waists moving rythmically to the music, and then all of a sudden T.shirts were taken off !! I think they loved the attention and therefore gave us a great performance !
Off I was to look for more willing contestants…a few guy friends had promised me they would go on the ‘catwalk’ for me, to get the party going, but when I approached them, they seemed extremely hesitant and resistant and asked me to get some other ‘fools’ to do an act first. So off I was…and I found 3 wonderful young guys who told me that they thought it was a fantastic cause and they soon got on the bar and gave us an amazing dance show ! I was so proud of them, so young….yet so willing to do something good for a worthwhile cause !
I approached my guy friends once again and asked them to take the stage, but to my great disappointment, they declined…I couldn’t believe it…but nothing I said changed their minds.

One of the two big guys that started the whole thing off won the Mr.Hunky Dory Pagent, he is now the proud owner of …an inflatable ‘pleeeep’.  The young guys were awarded the second prize and I am sure they too will put their gifts to good use !

All in all we had a fantastic evening, with many donations and lots of happy people. Who knows we may even have a Mr. Hunky Dory Pagent 2011 next year…. 😉

For those of you who were paying attention…and were wondering what happened to the sextapes.. sometime at around 2am they disappeared out of a paperbag in no time !! 😉