Bearable Lightness of Being !

Today, I will try to keep things a little ‘lighter’. Weight and looks seem to be issues we women struggle with endlessly. When I was 21, my life as a single girl ended as I moved in with my boyfriend who would later become my husband. I was skinny compared to how I look nowadays. Reasonably wrinkle free and my hair had full colour and showed no signs of ever becoming gray. The years have passed, and I’m back to being a single girl having had a wonderfully ‘full’ life of deliciousness and the wrinkles on my face are a map of the path I have taken so far.  I’m afraid it’s something that can’t secretly be ‘tucked’ away anymore!!!

Any excuse to crave for chocolate is a valid one, and of course you have to alternate sweet with something salty, followed by sweet yet again. Isn’t that how all women do it ?! I’m sure it’s hormonal, as I don’t like to think I have no self-discipline over this craving. It would make me feel like a bit of a loser, and of course I’m not ! 😉

The countless attempts at losing weight and excercising more, could nearly earn me a mention in the The Guiness Book of World Records, if you ask me ! It is incredible that I still manage to start each diet with the same amount of enthousiasm,  and I remain ever so confident and convinced that THIS time will work !!

The winter months are slowly disappearing and making place for more daylight hours and plenty of sun. All of a sudden I get panic attacks, because in just a few months I need to be able to parade around in my bikini ! It must be said that at a certain age, it is no longer only a weight issue when it comes to bikini’s .. gravity too plays it’s part in ‘things’ becoming southward bound! Yes, by ‘things’ I do mean boobs and bums. That, in combination with crater like dents on my legs and hips, makes it even less likely that my bikini fittings will leave me with positive vibes..

I carried my children with great joy, and loved to feel their every move in my tummy, only to find that they left their mark to remind me of those pleasures. I’m sure you can imagine that this too creates a bikini fobia for me.To top it all off, I am now a 37 year old single girl/mom and realise that the older I get, the less attractive my body may actually become.

Friends tell me it is all in the mind. If we believe we look good then that is exactly what will shine through. If we feel sexy, then we are sexy. If we are confident and happy about who we are, then people will feel attracted to our charisma. How true !! But even so, it does not take away the fact that one day, maybe, in the future, I will be in a relationship once again and I will have to get undressed, and be left standing in the bearness of my being, wondering why I never followed through with my diet and excercise routine. Yet hoping my inner self will shine through and blurr the actual naked sight of me.

In preparation of that day, I am once again into healthy eating and zumba dancing, well on my way to break my own record !! 😉