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Why is it, that the older we get, the more demanding we become in the friendships we have.This sets us up, for disappointments that we may only have ourselves to blame for. At times expectations are high, and if we don’t comply with what friends expect of us, we appear rude and uncaring. Other times we are the ones who feel back stabbed or disillusioned, by our friends’ actions. In times of personal need we easily feel neglected when everybody is too busy with their own life, to care, and we also feel taken advantage of and hurt when the friendship appears mainly one sided. Sometimes we may even find ourselves competing for first place award in the fraternity league, stepping over everyone and anyone who may get in the way.

So what is it we want, and truly expect from our friends ?! Should we give as much as we get ?! Do friendships thrive on co-depency or is that exactly what kills them ?! What is the right balance ?!

In this world of constant turbulence and desire for more and better, we even put our friends through the ‘are-you-good-enough–for-my-needs‘ test. We want them to be there for us unconditionally, yet we know that it is something we ourselves might not even be prepared to offer. We expect so much for so little in return. It doesn’t seem fair or even logical. How can we want something we won’t even value once ours. It baffles me that we are greedy enough to feel entitled to a luxury good we can’t truly afford, that of true friendship, for only when we offer the same thing in return this becomes a fair trade.

I often wonder what example we may be setting for our younger generations, we’ve gone back to Darwinian times where it seems that ‘survival of the fittest’ is what counts. Hereby eradicating all other options. It is slowly becoming a very egocentric world, where only that which we ourselves most want, matters. This is where the ‘trouble’ starts if you ask me. By putting our needs before others constantly, we neglect what may be the more preferable option in specific situations. No consideration is taken for others and therefore we end up living in a ‘theatrical play’ that we nowadays most commonly call ‘friendship‘. But this type of friendship has nothing to do with real friendship, it is just a weak extract of the true commitment it ought to be.

Through thick and thin, is one of the key elements I believe, and like in other relationships love and empathy lie at the base, a kind of love that cares and protects. One that accepts the good with the bad, because we’re all human and none of us is perfect.

When I was a little girl I learnt a rhyme at school :

Make new friends, but keep the old,
One is silver but the other gold. 

It struck a chord that kept me in tune with what friendship entails.

I have to admit that it is not always easy and it’s also not possible to befriend anyone and everyone. There are people with whom there just isn’t a connection however hard we may try. Sometimes I catch myself not being a good enough friend, putting my needs before my friends’ needs. Somehow though I think that is where we find the balance, in learning when it’s time to give and when it’s ok to receive. One thing that may characterize a good from a great friendship is the amount of effort we put into the giving and the thankfulness that goes into receiving.

For what it’s worth, friendships are valuable and fragile and maybe we should all try a little harder to see the wonder of it all, a little more often. Stopping to think about how much that other person really means to you. Learning to appreciate one another in good times and bad times, for better and for worse, in sickness and in health, because many, many friendships outlast any other kind of commitment !!!

New year and even though the skies are cloudy and grey mostly, the spirit is up. Some things just gotta go different this year ! Old patterns die hard and new ones aren’t easy to stick to, but this year it’s not a matter of choice. It has to be done, and it has to be done good.

Lately I think I felt a bit like a pot plant, left to wither and not flourish, figured that anything would help me grow and stay healthy, but without adding the right ingredients it turned out to be a foolish thought indeed. So, as the ground at my roots dried out and formed cracks I was surviving on the last little bits of energy left within me. I felt flaccid, just like the poor pot plant.
 
It’s time to quench the thirst, and fertilize. And so, I have started drinking water again, lots of it, something that I just seemed to forget to do, during the day. As you may know, when you pour water onto dried out soil, it doesn’t really sink in, it just makes the soil float…and so I drift…a little lost for now but knowing that one of these days the water will slowly drench the soil and therefore me too. Slowly but surely it will seep through my pores. As I’m hoping other stuff will sink in too…given time.

So, not only ‘watering’ is taking place but proper feeding as well, in the hope that I will re energize a bit, for I have felt pretty drained these last few months physically and mentally.

Day 4…the water seems to have irrigated my body, it’s making my skin feel creamier and more supple even wrinkles are looking softer. I think I like this !! Not there yet of course but for day four, it’s looking pretty promising.

I know we shouldn’t diet to try to look like page 3 models, and so that is not my motivation. Mine is looking and feeling healthy again, by thinking about what I eat, instead of just stuffing myself with bars of chocolate, handful’s of crisps and practically anything that appears in front of me. At one point even the air I was breathing made me gain weight, that’s when I realized I was g(r)asping for the wrong things in life. I guess I’m trying to become more conscious of what goes in now. I don’t want to bore you with the details, but believe me, it’s a good thing in my case.

January is my most crucial month as all us girls have our birthday to celebrate and therefore lots of cake and party to deal with !! I’ve survived one, 2 left to go !!
Today was my first ‘weigh in’ and eventhough I’ve secretly weighed myself’ ‘in between’ and know the weight has fluctuated, it is now back to what I started with, but I refuse to feel disappointed. I’m sure it’s just a case of my body getting used to this new treatment. Feeling more saturated, I think it’s just a matter of time before the actual weightloss will kick in.

To be honest I too look forward to any phsychological changes it may bring about, curious to find out if the Latin saying… ” Mens sana in corpore sano” turns out to be true, for my head has been weighed down long enough by constant doubts and thoughts.

Wishing myself lots of perseverance and great fun searching for yummy recipes with healthy alternatives at the start of this new year !!

This year is coming to an end and as usual we will all want to start the year with new and improved resolutions as we re-solution our old habits and faults. It has become tradition to make an attempt to better ourselves at the start of every year. Because it seems that that is the only moment we can truly start out fresh. A clean slate, and many many intentions to re-try this new year. Frankly, all my old attempts seemed to have failed by January 5th and those that were left, got pushed along the year until they finally moved on to the next year. Some things were up to me and others just things I wished for and therefore had little control over. This year is going to be different. I will have been separated for 5 years, I’m turning 38 and I think it’s time to make some mid life plans

Things that make you ‘umpf’….I plan to reintroduce laughter and fun,  empathy and patience. Stuff that will make mine and everyone else’s life better, brighter and so much more fulfilling. Something that will un-regrettably be put away this year is my quest for romantic love. If I am to experience it, it will have to find me as I no longer plan to look for it.

It’s time to enjoy home cooked dinners with friends and family again, evenings with the ‘girls’ watching movies and sobbing away tears through recognisable joy and pain. The kids need a happy and stable mother too, one that knows what she wants, and especially what she doesn’t want !! Because let’s not forget that it is evenly important to stand for either one of those things. We need to once again form the great team that we are capable of being, and with all that in mind and heart, I think that it will be a year to prosperously look ahead to !

A year of re-bonding, re-joicing, re-lating and mostly re-solutions. May all of you out there find this year what you most miss and may you work on things that you do not want to have to do without.
May the small things become important again, and treasurable, may pain and anger find padded refuge to quietly sit and not grow out of proportion. May this year bring softness and kindness within our hearts, so that we make room for others as well as ourselves.

Most of all, may this year bring solutions to all the things we’ve tried and re-tried to accomplish. I look forward to going back to basics so that all the extra’s once again become a treat.

To all a Happy New Year, and may all your good will prosper !!!

2011…