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It has begaffled me (sounds nicer than baffled, even though it’s non-existent-as-far-as-I-know) that there is an option ‘followers’ on this blog system. That means that if someone is actively a reader of your blog, they have the possibility to ‘enroll’ as a ‘follower’. I find this fascinating. I, myself am a curious ‘follower’ of a few blogs and must say that it always surprises me to see how popular others are, just judging from the amount of ‘followers’ they have !

So….since I have exactly ONE follower, and a lovely one at that, I am feeling a little left out of the ‘in-crowd’. I’m hoping it’s not a reflection on my writing skills or crazy story-telling-talent. 😉

I’m thinking that probably…some readers would rather stay anonymous. You see, just because I bare MY soul, it doesn’t mean others will do the same and join. Everyone is different, I know, but I have often wondered if life wouldn’t be easier if we would just open up ourselves a little more to others and not be so afraid of getting ‘trampled’. However hurtful that could turn out to be….
It broadens our emotional scope you see, you become more vulnerable, yes…but in return, your heart and soul open up and kindness and empathy start seeping out. The world seems happier, and life much easier….well, until or unless you are confronted with the brutes around us. Those who live by their own rules and no one else’s…taking only their own feelings and wishes into account ….thinking themselves better than others just because.

I have encountered those a few times I’m afraid to say. Those who do not care what maelstrom is caused by their actions or words. The type that bulldozer themselves through life, leaving trails of devastation, yet not once looking back to see the damage, and on the rare occassion that they DO look back, it will never occur to them that they mlight have had anything to do with it.

Nothing wrong with trying to educate some sense and sensibility into them, trying only to find a balance which suits us all. Is that possible ?!

Can we all just be a little kinder and more loving ?! Instead of so judgemental and opinionated ….I wonder…

Oops, side tracked ….

Back to ‘followers’ …..my point being….if you enjoy reading this ‘stuff’ and feel no shame to admit to it…please feel free to start filling up my ‘followers’ box that looks so utterly lonely and pathetic with just the one devoted friend follower !!

I, on my side promise to keep you entertained and up to date on the latest of life’s happenings…all twists and turns, the good and the bad, the funny and the sad….

Next topic is ….. ‘complicated’…;-)

Men in Trees happens to be one of my favourite shows on tv. I have the feeling it’s not a very popular series, probably due to the late broadcasting hour.

I love it though.

It’s about a relationship guru who moves to Alaska after a very humiliating break up in New York. She finds herself in a tiny town for her book promotion and decides to stay and learn more about men, as she realises there is a 10  to 1 men to women ratio there. It touches on  fashion, relationships, family bonds, and life’s usual dilema’s…Marin, the writer always knows the right things to say, she seems to ‘feel’ what path to take, yet she too sometimes wonders if she’s on the right track.

Love is complicated. It doesn’t seem so when you’re in your 20’s but as life is lived, and love is learnt, you realise it’s not an easy venture. I have come to understand that being who I am today, and carrying with me all my treasures and spices that I aquired in the past decennia, makes me extremely un-everything in the present available-men-market.
It has become clear that men who are around my own age and have no children, run from me as fast as they can. Those a bit older without children, usually have some sort of psychological reason why they do not, yet have kids. Most of these men have worked long and hard, and have given their career priority for years, hoping that there would still be enough time at some point to have a family. (This is of course possible due to all the willing young ladies, who fall for the charms of an older man…;-)) Single men, with kids, I have not yet dated, as they seem far too happy to finally be ‘free’ again …!!

A man whom I had only had email contact with, and had met via online dating, reacted very keenly to me. He seemed lovely, caring, and very interested. The fact that I have children was no problem to him but a wonderful gift. He wanted to do anything and everything for me. Having found out who my favorite singer was, he would have gotten me tickets to the concert in NY if he could have (they were sold out…). One of my favourite TV show’s is Top Gear and it was going to be filmed in Holland in January of this year, and he was allready planning to get us tickets. He wanted to send me chocolates and gifts, but something in me kept holding off the boat.

He was too generous, too nice, too kind, too accepting, too willing and too desperate.

Apparently that was not good enough for me…actually, it scared the hell living daylights out of me. So I stopped all contact with him.
I chose the guy who didn’t have time for me, who was always too busy to get together, who had told me he didn’t want a woman with children and that he could not offer me any kind of serious commitment or relationship. I was smitten.

Yes, I was nuts too. But I didn’t see that at the time. I just enjoyed the few and short times we planned our dates. Thinking of course he would fall head over heals in love with me as time passed and he got to know me better. Nope, none of that happened. The dates became fewer, the phonecalls stopped, all contact was lost….a few times it seemed that it was rescusitable…fresh new air was blown into a tiny linger of hope…only to make it’s point even more clearly. It was over. No chance of survival. Dead.

That left me with again huge questions and no answers about relationships. Just like Marin in Men in Trees, I’ve tried to figure out how it ‘works’….but there does not seem to be a guide for these type of life’s challenges. You just need to live them, love them and survive them.

I have removed the ‘please use or abuse me’ sign off my forehead, and hope that the new sign  ‘Treasure me and my spices’ will attract a better crowd ! 😉

Apparently it brings order to the mind to do a bit of spring cleaning once in a while. Having spent three weeks in Bahrain, feeling like the Queen of Sheba, I decided upon return to my own castle that it was time for some serious cleaning and clearing.

I had the will, but no idea where to start, you see, once you begin re-organizing stuff around, it looks and feels like an atomic bomb just hit the insides of your house. Everything has lost it’s place and awaits a new spot with great anticipation. Every item is strictly judged and it is decided whether it earns a place in the great fort or if it gets an honourable spot in a grey bag, destined for the garbage container. Every useless item hit me with amazement as to why I had kept hoarding all this insignificant junk. Years of accumulation and impulsive shopping spree’s are the culprit of this mess, I’m afraid. Why we humans feel the need to collect and keep so much is a riddle to me.

I decided to be ruthless.

Everytime I ploughed through a room of chaos and disorder and slowly but surely reorganized it, I felt a little bit of uncluttering in my cerebral space too. Funny how that works. It’s a load off your schoulders. A breath of fresh air. A move in the right direction. In short, ORDER.

Like a puzzle which at first seems juggled and mixed up, slowly but surely structure appears and it becomes apparent what the (big ) picture is. So, as I created order, room by room, I slowly uncluttered my mind of all the useless mess it was stuffed with. It became clear to me that I was going about things the wrong way. Not only was I now taking care of my household, but I was also letting go of many emotions that had gotten stuck or just stowed away. What a relief and what a sense of ‘clarity’ appeared.

Just like you realize that some old stuff is just really never going to be used ever again, you realize that letting go and moving on isn’t scary but a wonderful enlightment !!

So my castle is now nearly spic and span, at least until the next spring cleaning frenzy ! 😉