Divorcée

Today is D-day…

Funny, I never really pictured myself as a divorcée…I was one of those girls who grew up thinking that getting married was something you only do once in your life. You find the person you love most, marry them, say your vows and stick together, no matter what.
I thought.

As it happens life has turned out a little different…and now, after being separated for 7 years, I’m officially divorced, free to do my own thing, start over, do whatever non-married people my age do….whatever that may be!!

For the moment I intend to devote myself mostly to parenting the kids, who I’m happy to say, are often home with me to keep me safe and sane. They don’t realise it yet and maybe they never really will, but they saved me from losing myself; they cushioned my heartache with cuddles and kisses, helped me grow by shedding their tears, and made me strong by showing me their own courage when thrown in a situation they could do nothing about, just accept.

I know now where things went ‘wrong’, and how out of balance my life and I had become. At the time I would not have agreed, but sometimes marriage should not last until the bitter end.

Even though, I often felt ‘robbed’ of my life’s dreams and aspirations, when we first separated, I now know that I have just been dealt different cards. That my old life erupted only to provide me with valuable new experiences and most importantly an open heart!
It took me quite a while, many mistakes and hurting loved ones in the process, to get me where I am today. Not perfect, but I accept who I am, what I can, and how I cope. None of this is easy. For anyone. In any situation really…. But I’m happy to say that what you see is what you get. I let my heart rule nowadays, I do what I love and I love what I do. No more battles between heart and mind, because I’ve realised there is no other (real) option than to follow your heart. This, I now believe, is the only way to avoid regrets in life and love.

I have no idea as to how life will unfold, and if I’ll be lucky enough to love and be loved again someday….
A daunting thought sometimes, but then I remember that I am not alone, that I’m surrounded by so many people who care!! The kids, family and friends have filled my heart with so much of their love and warmth, that I can feel it overflowing. There’s plenty to go around and so I can only hope that what goes around comes around and back again….so it may touch others as it touched me.

And so, a word of thanks….
Thank you to the ‘Ex’ for cutting me loose yet remaining my buddy and loyal co-parent through it all.
Thank you Life for the ‘has beens‘, thanks for the ‘have becomes‘ and looking forward to the what ‘may be’s‘ …. !!!