Scared to death of dying

Not quite sure how other people feel about death, but to me I think the fear of it is paralyzing at times, I freeze, gasp for breath and instantaneously feel my heart go into tachycardia. Lately I’ve been hearing horrid stories left and right, it seems everyone around me has something or other, or a friend with something or other and the chances of survival vary from huge to very slim.

Now according to statistics, the way to lead a healthy life, is plenty of exercise and nutritious food. This will decrease the risk of illnesses. I do not consider myself to lead the healthiest of lives…then again, most of the people I see affected seem to be the healthiest ones around; thin, athletic, healthy eaters, sporty etc. It leaves me with great fear, for; ‘if they get ill, then I surely will … (should)’…

No one knows when it’s their day to ‘depart’, but somehow I feel more comfortable not thinking about it either. Head in the sand therapy. What you don’t know won’t harm you so to speak.

Today once again I received bad news, this time a young person with cancer, her chances…next to none. When you’re young it tends to hit you harder, more aggressive and ruthlessly takes over leaving you without a fighting chance. Medicine will try it’s hardest to beat it, but too often, in these cases, we find that it only extends the suffering. Still, those going through it seem to help those of us that will be left behind here, by showing their bravery and strength, each and everyone of them with a glow of supernatural light in their eyes. A spiritual strength that occurs only when the body is weakened. This phenomenon amazes me.

Often I have wondered what it would do to me, to find out I was (terminally) ill. The thought alone, creates panic and fear. Maybe I’m not sure if I would find that strength within me or maybe I’m afraid of the pain it may cause others, like my children. A combined feeling of ‘what if I never see them grow up’ and ‘if I die now, they’re too young to remember me’. A frightening thought either way.

I guess the trick is to find the fine line…where you look after your body as well as you can, and are sensible enough to go through regular check ups, without exaggeratedly worrying about them. And even when you do all this, there seems to be a ‘script’ already written, for sometimes, so very unforeseen to us, we find ourselves or someone else entering the turmoil of, for example cancer, without a single shield of protection or warning.

And then when push comes to shove, it turns out that however cliche, death is a part of life, and no one has yet managed to play hooky.
 It’s time for me to learn how to deal with this, if not for the sake of myself, for the sake of others, who I will help more by fearing less and mentally I will be able to handle it better if I don’t let it affect me to the bone. Until it’s my turn…and I pray that if and when that day comes, I too find that strength to pull me through, whatever the outcome.

So live today, like there is no tomorrow, and with that note, I’d like to end this blog of thought and dedicate it to all my friends and friends of friends, who today, tomorrow and in days to come will have to do just that. Be brave.