Fools rush in and all is fair in love and war, right?! I have decided enough is enough. Enough countless years alone, enough horrid dates leading nowhere, enough agony over my utterly low self esteem, when it comes to men and relationships and how I should look, according to ‘God knows who’, to be honest. Enough overthinking every single little dilemma a million times. It’s time to,.. not just take but grab the bull by its horns and live. Just LIVE.
For someone, like me, who literally thinks herself sick, this will be a great task, one that I am not sure I will succeed at, but I have never been more determined in my life. It is time to let go and enjoy, to smell the scent of summer rain, and feel the cold of winter pain in every limb. No restrictions just plain learning to accept that maybe, just maybe, someone might actually mean it when they say they want to be with me, this time. Haven’t I been wishing just that for years now ?!
So I’m quitting the moaning, and groaning and making another attempt at actually not giving a damn
shit about what the rest of the world thinks or what I may think is the right or wrong thing to do. Leaving intact of course the ground rules of life and basic blueprint of it. Dizzy with excitement and carrying new expectations, I slowly awaken to the warmth of a soul reaching out to me, believing in me, more than I have believed in myself for a long time. I am absolutely sure that this new and daring approach will throw me ahead. It feels like I’ve finally exfoliated and scrubbed off all the ‘old stuff’. I take off my cloak of sadness and remorse, and bare my soft and vulnerable skin again to a new dawn.
Maybe we should all do this from time to time. I read in Paolo Coelho’s blog *, that when we turn the light on in our souls we will instantly encounter cobwebs, signifying the things we like the least about ourselves. So once in a while it’s good to clean and clear the soul of all it’s rubble and trouble. We’re only human, yes, but it’s exactly what makes us capable of change. So no use sitting around doing nothing about it.
It’s funny how we can think we want something and framework it into our life, only to find that some things just won’t fit in as we had hoped or wished. Some things come in different shapes and sizes but that doesn’t make them any less important or fitting. It’s the art of framing this into our life that makes us true artists. Daring to ‘draw’ outside the lines of patterns that never seemed possible, and pouring in the right colours, or elements will complete our work of art to make it something we can be proud of. Our own frame of mind is then formed, always leaving room for improvement and adjustments.
So, I’m carefully pencilling in fresh new lines, and painting rainbows in my sky. I suggest you do the same for as we paint our life on everyday canvas, we’ll find that hope is born out of faith and love just follows. As love does.
* Paolo Coelho’s blog http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2010/12/11/cobwebs/