Author: Mies

And so….just like it started, in a flash, it ends. Funny how all I seem to remember are the wonderful moments, the fun, the togetherness, the joy of daring to look into the future together and making plans. Trips, dinners, drinks, couch-potatoe’ing together, everything now has a lovely silver lining, and a nostalgia shadowed by a feeling of lament for it having ended far too soon. How, can so much love disappear into thin air ?! Did we fool love, or did love fool us?

Most of the memories now go into my ‘most cherished‘ box. And I find myself piling them in like a mad woman, for all of a sudden I see the lovely moments and relive them one by one, realising they were indeed worthwhile and even the painful memories make me utmost grateful and happy. Yet it’s only now, that it’s over, that I see it, that I realise the value of what I had. Why do we humans always realise this when it’s too late. ‘You only know what you’ve got when it’s gone’  ….When there is no way back and so we use this to learn our lessons in life, and do better next time….

Next time is not an option right now …because just like that, when it ended, it began. I felt my heart skip a beat and knew, that it belongs to one person only. Love struck, and this ‘condition’ can be long lasting.
It is far too late, happened much too slow, and there is no known remedy.

So, if it’s no longer in the cards for me, I shall have to leave it at that let it be and set it free and keep enjoying all the rest, my kids, friends, family and all that warmth and love that they provide. I’ll still feel a void, undoubtedly, and it may even be forever..!! But that’s only because sometimes, you just stumble upon the right person even though the timing may seem off and the combination may seem odd, yet in your heart, you know it’s absolutely right.

And so, I slowly realise that this is my choice, I choose to love, whether it means that I will be loved or not my heart is open and willing. More than that, we cannot do in life, except decide how WE ourselves stand in what we want and hope for, the rest is up to FATE.

There comes a time when all of a sudden it feels like someone turned the lights on, whilst you were walking around in the dark banging yourself against anything and everything because you just couldn’t see. Then, just like after a dark day, the fog is lifted and all is CLEAR…you blink a few times and realise that you WERE lost in the dark. Not knowing what was left or right, front or back. But now the view is unclouded, the trouble is, you hit and broke so much in that darkness, that you actually destroyed the place you were at.

Some of the damage may not be all that bad, just a few pick-ups and setting straights, but sometimes valuable stuff gets broken, so much so, that you wonder if it’s even possible to repair. So the option of replacement comes to mind. After all the broken pieces look useless and destroyed. I guess that it mainly matters WHAT was actually shattered, HOW much it meant to you beforehand and WHETHER you still want it.

I know tons of toddlers that carry around a tattered old bear, one eye missing, ears and arms sown and re-sown back on many times, not much left of their furry bellies from all the hugs and kisses they receive all day and all night. But STILL, the toddler loves his bear to pieces …for all the times they spent together, all the tears they quenched, all the drool they took, and all the love they gave, when no one else was around for comfort. To those of us who had such a faithful companion, it taught us how to love, unconditionally and without caring about looks.

When we grow up, we often loose that sense of loyalty, and it seems the more we have the less we care. When we find a special someone, or even a special something, we no longer keep them lovingly until their tattered looks tell tales of history together, but we let our hearts drift away when tough times generate a battered soul. Our attention quickly shifts to the newer, prettier and better looks of else wheres, not realising we loose sight of what the essence of longevity was. You see, to me, it’s sticking to what and whom you love, no matter how tossed and turned it gets, no matter which scars appear. The thing is, those scars are often just a sign of too much love, too many hugs, too many tears, too many cuddles and too many ‘tossed in the corners’ on that tattered old bear of ours. And sometimes we do the same later in life, we love too much, hug too hard, cry too loud, and toss too far-aways….but unlike in our youth, we don’t go back to find comfort in that long and loving friendship, but we decide to close our hearts and move on.

I for one, still have my tattered old bear, and looking at it the other day, I realised that inside of it was where I put my soul as a little girl. Today I woke up opened my eyes and realised that all that tossing around in the dark, was only because I had lost sight of my ‘bear'(self) ….of what was actually important, and so I’m left to pick up the pieces, as I would have sown back eyes and arms and ears, I now do damage repair in the comfort of my own mess, and loving it for what it is and what it’s brought me…it’s the memories that lie within  the tattered-ness, it’s there that we find comfort and strength and it’s there that the love resides for that which we had, we have, or may one day have again. Because deep deep down, buried underneath the bullshit is where our ‘old-teddy-bear-like’  love lies….find it, treasure it and KEEP it !!!’

What is it with women that everything needs to be a competition?

Who is the prettiest?
Who is the thinnest?
Who is the smartest? 
Who has the best hair?
Who married the best husband?
Who has the greatest kids?
Who is the best mother?
Who is the best cook?
Who has the best life……

For Pete’s sake …anything and everything is compared, judged and reviewed !! Why? Why does one woman need to be the best in anything or everything? Why isn’t it ok, that some are successful in certain areas, at certain times, whereas others are brilliant in other areas and other times….!!

I keep noticing this trend more and more, and fear it can only lead to disappointment and unhappiness. No one is perfect and that’s more than FINE …having to prove yourself to other women friends is an exhausting task. One that no one will be able to achieve. Save yourself the trouble please and just enjoy your own life and your own goals. No matter how other women might think you SHOULD be doing things, choose your own path as it is YOU and only YOU that needs to live, YOUR life !!!

Why is it that some women feel better when they put other women down and bitch about them? If I’m truly honest about this and do a soul search for answers, the only thing that comes to mind is:  

INSECURITY.

A nasty women’s trait, is to hide one’s own insecurity by focusing on another woman’s insecurity !! Somehow it elevates you from your miserable self by deflecting on an even more miserable soul. We turn our diet starved bodies into hungry feeders on other women’s misery and misfortune, which in turn leaves those poor souls drained of any energy and hit by disillusion. Slowly one will calculatedly suck the life out of the other…

I see this happening all the time, lately, women seem so unsatisfied with their own lives that it is becoming more and more acceptable to bully themselves into other women’s lives in an effort to make some of those, often struggling, women more miserable than themselves.

I am far from perfect, realise it and have often stated it or admitted it. I too feel the pressure, due to many aspects in my life that do not coincide with ‘the perfect picture’, of the Stepford Syndrome.
Some days are tougher than others, some days are extremely good and happy ones. Being quite open about this to the ‘outside world’ makes me vulnerable in the ‘criticism-department’, obviously. When you make something public everyone will have an opinion and because of  a wonderful weapon called ‘freedom of speech’ I am often an easy ‘target’. HOWEVER, please remember that behind the black and white text is an actual human being with feelings and insecurities too.

Which brings me back to the whole perfect woman (Stepford-Wife-Syndrome) issue that we keep dumping on each other….No need to be friends with every woman in your life, just be nice, polite, caring, or just mind your own business, and work on your own insecurities before you go around judging others on theirs. And so dear women friends, let’s not be in competition but complement each other where needed !!!  Nobody is perfect and to be honest, I quite like it that way.