Author: Mies

For centuries we have been fed love story upon love story. Literature has provided us with the most fascinating examples of true love, unrequited love, tragic love, lost love, eternal love, re-united love and so many more breathtaking tales of passionate true love.

But what is love? Really…. Does it exist in real life like it does in the great novels and romantic movies?
And if so…. Then how and when can we tell it’s the REAL Mc Coy?

I have lately mainly seen love go…disappear…and exit the lives of many dear to me, including mine. Not necessarily due to the loss of it, but mainly by choice…However, does love ever ‘choose’ to leave? And if so..was it even real love ? Or just an illusion? ..Sometimes we confuse habit, our need for love or plain lust… for love…
Sometimes, as if teasing us….even love prematurely buds, blossoming shortly, only to return later on for the full bloom.

Once a sceptic….but now a born again ‘hopeless romantic’ of this day and age, I cannot and will not let myself believe that anything or anyone can stand in the way of love, of TRUE love. Hence it’s tragic yet hopeful character. Love never dissipates, when two souls that are meant to be; ‘cannot be’..love just nestles itself safely into one of our heart’s chambers….patiently awaiting the power of destiny.

Destiny being the glue that binds true love.

So why DO so many of us hide from it? Pretend true love doesn’t exist, or convince ourselves that love is not in the cards for us…that true love does not exist except in fairy tales? That “Happily Ever After” is just a script line, designed as a box office hit. What is it that terrifies so many of us about this heartwarming emotion? Yet we secretly all long for it, cherish the thought of it and hope to find it…to love and BE loved one day!

FEAR – fear of being nakedly vulnerable to a love unreciprocated….Human actions and emotions that may end up tearing up our lovestruck heart and grinding it to dust, leaving us broken and devastated as a result….

The simple truth, however, is…that the power of love is omnipotent… that there is no love without risk, there is no greatness without weakness, there is no glory without guts. In this life, there are few who dare to accept true love …few brave enough to feel it, try it and to open up their hearts to all the possible pain and anguish this attempt may bring. But NOT trying is like NOT living…

It’s ALL or NOTHING when it comes to love.

I like to think that love will find us no matter what, that destiny will work its charms to help us recognise it, and embrace it when it’s staring us in the face…..That our fear of it is unfounded and unnecessary. ….That true love brings no harm but immense joy and warmth to those of us who actually DARE!! …..

 Love  then becomes unavoidable, unregretable and unforgettable….

You can run from love, pretend you don’t see or feel it or even ignore its presence, believe me I’ve tried, but in the end there is no escaping it. Love will find YOU, every time.

So if it’s not today, it may be tomorrow or the next day….but a love that is meant to be, will be….and :
 “unless it is mad passionate extraordinary love, it is a waste of time, there are too many mediocre things in life. Love should not be one of them.” (*Dream for an Insomniac)

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When you find yourself suffocating in the bling-bling bubble of riches, it’s time for a breath of fresh air ! Luckily I’m one of those incredibly nosey and curious beings and so, I went to visit my friends at the trailer park. It’s absolutely blissful there, a private beach surrounding a small lake, playing areas for the kids and most of all, nature, lots of nature !! (Of all sorts yes, even the people there go for the ‘natural look’ – which means a no nonsense approach to hairy armpits and make up). They GROW with the FLOW ;-). I love it, it helps me forget about all my ‘insecurity’ issues, being surrounded by people of all shapes and sizes,who don’t give a shit, is innovating and well,…. ‘refreshing’ in a certain sense of the word…. !!

On my first visit, I met the wonderful ‘Miss Sop’ ….probably THE ‘trailerpark-babe-on-heals’ (Goodness knows how she manages parading around on those 😉 ). Her nickname derived from her attention craving pouts and smalltalk, and as you may have gathered her actual ‘look’…Once a blond ‘bombshell’, now a forty something with grey roots and wrinkles. The way she flicks her hair is ‘just right’ and only meant for some…..or maybe even for just THE one…THE (only) eligible bachelor at the trailer park. To him I’d just like to say, “thank goodness you’re only there for the summer”… I don’t think you’d survive getting fully ‘drenched’ by Miss Sop !!

Another thing that struck me, and you may think me ‘blond’ for saying so, but….some people have NOT been blessed with very much grey matter IN the head department. And believe it or not, it does not have much to do with hair colour, like we tend to joke about…I guess it’s more to do with ‘breeding’. One guy, simply redefines the word ‘dumbo’….I mean no offence, and I’m sure none will be (or is even possibly) taken on his behalf… He walks around dressed (yes, I guess it’s a miracle he’s dressed!)….in clothes that are at least 4 sizes too big for him, his head looks like an egg with black hair ..(and believe me the mental picture you just made, FITS!) he carries around his iPod (no, it’s not a Walkman, I mean it IS 2012…even at the trailer park….duhhh). If he gets the chance he’ll look for a seat nearby anyone really….to listen to whatever is playing through the earphones, whilst letting out deep and  melancholic sighs of…relief/pleasure? It may even be his way of ‘orgasming’ the sound of music !! Who can say…..!! All I can say is…..it’s the most terrifying habit I have seen anyone have. It makes you wonder whether this guy is really mentally challenged or a pervert in disguise. I hope the first, even for him.

After spending the day gawking at these ‘new’ and fascinating bunch of people, I went home and realised the bling-bling bubble is not that different a place, (we too have Miss Sops, Mr. Creepies and the way we try to go against the natural flow of nature is so exceptionally frantic that it makes us look just as bizar, if not worse) except we DO have brain matter therefore we SHOULD know better than to behave the way we often do…..or maybe ignorance is (really) bliss…..at all levels.

It has been nearly six months since I was in what I would like to call – a serious relationship, but one that in retrospect, I never took seriously enough until it was too late. The cliche is true : you don’t know what you have, until it’s gone.

So now what ?!
Do I really want another man in my life ?!
The ‘exploring’ each other again…
The ‘explaining’ my personal manual again ?!  (It’s now officially thicker than the bible !!)
My whys and why not’s, my fears and insecurities thrown out in the open – AGAIN ?!
I don’t think so, not now and not for a long time to come I suspect.

It’s like when I read a good book, I couldn’t for the life of me get into the next one straight away, I need to let it sink in, process and settle. It needs time, time to find a place in the heart and mind.

A few years ago though, I didn’t do that, I jumped from one ‘book’ into the next, if you know what I mean. Most weren’t even ‘books’ or ‘articles’, but just enticing ‘headings’, that lead to nothing and left me empty. No fulfilment, no meaning, desperately craving for more as I was obviously not finding whatever I was looking for. It only dawned on me, after I spent one and a half years pegging away at a story that felt too good to be true, that what I wanted was staring me straight in the face, yet it took me forever to get into the storyline. Then, just when it all started making sense to me, I actually lost the plot, the ending began to unravel as I realised that I was in my own little fairytale, and prince charming had galloped by – tried his best….yet left disheartened… because I was too busy worrying about the pitfalls that could tear us apart. In the end, I had created them myself.  A wonderful story turned sour, by my own potion of troubled imagination and fear.

Don’t take me wrong, I love men, I love the fact that they are so opposite to us women, the way they think differently and act so much more primal than we do. They worry less and live by the day. Making life seem less complicated …easier.

I just don’t think there is room for a man in my life, not now. It’s time to sit down and literally write and re-write my own (story) book and see what new plot and which (new) characters will fill the pages !!