Wishful Thinking

To many of you this may sound very odd and maybe even slightly shocking, but I have noticed that my ‘vida loca’ is not only frequently read and followed online by hard core fans, (yes, I actually have some ‘fans’).
In ‘real’ life I’ve aquired the undivided attention of a few pre-teenage youngsters. Their concern for my ‘date quest’ is undoubtedly one of the truest and purest  forms of curiosity around.

Every Wednesday afternoon, as I have mentioned before in my blogs, I am at the local fieldhockey club. And for the past few weeks, I have noticed that I have been getting a greater number of very devoted ‘followers’ …I sit on the bench outside, mostly trying to enjoy the sun and company of friends, yet also sharing my weeks adventures or dilemmas. A group of girls aged around 9 and 10, slowly started ‘evesdropping’ on my conversations, and by now they see me coming…. rush over to my table to join me and they listen to me with great interest….all-ears-and-chins-on-hands-elbows-on-the-table. They join in once in a while with their own comments and opinions.. so too, happened last week when I was looking for a date to take to the Ball. The girls suggested hanging up posters around the clubhouse, paying someone (to me this seemed a bit over the top, but the girls seemed to think nothing of it..), and one of them even offered me her dad…(although, she rightly thought it may not be appropriate as he is married to her mom ! ;-)).

I have tried to ‘shoo’ these girls away on many occasions, as I feel that this may be too complicated a topic for them, but it seems that they have been briefed very well, on our current social values these days ! I am often approached by them, only to be asked ….’have you found someone yet ?!’ or……’did you have a good time at the Ball’ ? It is utterly sweet, yet somewhat eerie that I am now becoming a kind of  ‘dating-basket-case’ for these young apprentices!!

I have, of course tried to inform the girls’ parents of their keen interest in me and my ‘sagas’ but they don’t seem to mind, so I continue to ‘educate’ the girls with my newly acquired knowledge of men, dating and all else that is of importance when one is searching for Mr. Right.

This last week for example I attempted to point out to them that, what one must look for in a man should firstly be ‘hunky doriness’. (Yes….I’m shallow and superficial…so what !?!). His looks are important, not necessarily to anyone else, but certainly to you !

So, to put this into practice we found ourselves a target ‘hunky dory’ guy and observed….

I guess this lesson was a little too soon or complex for the girls, as they migrated away. Which left single-mom-me and one of my best friends infatuated with the chosen ‘hunky dory’ guy! Giggling away like teeange girls and discussing the pro’s and con’s of a relationship with such a guy, was just the beginning of an afternoon of great joy ! We went for ‘looks’ and ‘sex-appeal’ but I’m afraid there is the issue of him being far too young and us being far too old to drool over him …. ok, it’s not a great a gap as Demi and Ashton, (yes the famous Hollywood stars….) but still….I don’t look like Demi and the hunky dory guy…well, he is a version of Ashton in my Wednesday-afternoon-vida-loca perception πŸ˜‰ !

I have since then been laughed at, encouraged and totally declared insane for even daring to think about Mr. Hunky Dory in such a way. There is of course the slight ‘problem’ that Mr. Hunky Dory has no idea I even sit and drool over him, (and with me enough other girlfriends I might add !!! as I am not the only midlife drooler out there ! ). The fact that this is a totally one sided ‘fantasy’…. for there is understandably no way in the world Mr. Hunky Dory would even consider taking a peek at me, makes this an even more unlikely lopsided case!!

So, for next weeks session with my pre-teenage fans, I have decided I will educate them about what to do when after 4 years of solitude one becomes so desperate as to start drooling over a much-too young-unreachable-good-looking guy…. and yes, I think I will have to do quite some research on this topic, as I seem to be stuck between a rock and a hard place on this one.

Like last time, it seems wise to start off our weekly session asking the girls to suggest what one should do when one finds oneself in such an unlikely yet wishful situation. …and maybe, just maybe….they will surprise me yet again, and give me the best advice available on this temporary infatuation of mine. πŸ˜‰

If not..I will have had to come up with my own theories on this, and for now, I’m afraid I have none. Just wishful thinking….;-)

Aftermath

OUCH….truly getting too old to do the ‘dance-floor-workout’ …..It’s day two after the Ball and I look and walk around like someone who has had both legs amputated and replaced by ‘wooden’ ones….not a pretty sight !!
(With all due respect to those of you who manage to make it look easy coping with such devices !)

Ball was fantastic ! Although the food tasted like airplane platters that had been transported across a few continents before they were served at the table….Yuk !

Start of the night was a chique encounter of mostly ‘grown ups’….all dressed fabulously and those who weren’t ….well….I just won’t mention them ! πŸ˜‰

After the dj’s made the music and dance introductions, we were treated to a band…and they were absolutely magnificent ! Golden oldies remixed with modern sounds making terrific dance combinations !! Halfway through the evening the ‘young ones’ joined us and they stood there, crowding the dancefloor yet not moving an inch !! Apparently that is really COOL….. !!! 
I received some ‘rolling eyes’, the kind my daughter can give me when she utterly disapproves of me or thinks I am just being ridiculous…I think the ‘looks’ I got from some young girls were meant in exactly that way…then again, they didn’t worry me at all, as one day, I’m sure, they too will get those looks !!! And I say this with ‘rolling eyes’ myself ! πŸ˜‰

Amidst my tipsy friends, I enjoyed the dancefloor and made a total fool of myself with my  ‘dance workout’ and plain ‘I-don’t-really-care-what-you-think-of-me-movements-‘ !!! (Of course only realising today that my leg muscles are not in shape and therefore killing me now !!) The fact that I had no date, left me as free as a bird…and not feeling ‘stuck’ to anyone in particular, never thought that would be so fulfilling !

Friends started leaving to hit their beds and pillows…yes…we are all getting older…and I deciced to stay and be my single-self !! I must have looked like a total fool, dancing alone, yet having such fun !! A man at the table infront of me, I think, felt so sorry for me that he encouraged  his wife to offer me a glass of their pink champagne !! It was a glorious moment of true emancipation !!  πŸ˜‰

On my way to the ‘ladies room’ I bumped into some very young guys….claiming they knew me and that I had once predicted their future !!! (Must have been my huge gipsy earings that gave me away ! ;-)) I talked to them a little only to get whispered in my ear by a friend that these guys were truly too young for me !! Whatever gave him the impression of any flirting going on ?! I was in no sense capable of such an act that evening. This was made more than clear once I looked at myself in the mirror of the ladies room and saw that my hair was just atrocious !! Out of pure shock I evacuated the dancefloor and left the building !

My Volvo-carriage with built in GPS-man safely got me home as I had predicted and I enjoyed sharing all my night’s tales with him as he always listens and never complains !! πŸ˜‰

Cinderella Ball

Modern Fairytale…

Months ago this Cinderella made reservations to attend a proper Ball. I booked a table for 8, as 3 other couples were more than willing to join me for the dinner festivities which would prelude the actual Ball! I thought, it would be no problem to find myself a date in the in-between-time, but now I am faced with reality….an empty seat at the table tomorrow !!! After having been living the single life now for nearly 4 years, and having had plenty of non-lasting-dates, it seems I am yet again attending this by myself !! πŸ˜‰

I can do this, I know that by now, and I will be fun and jolly galore, but inside I know a little piece of me will once again go through total dissapointment and I’ll feel like the girl who never got asked to join in gymclass !!

For those of you with a significant other this may all sound foolish and silly. But believe me when I tell you that there are occasions in life when it’s best to know that someone is there, right by your side, to get you through it. And Survive ! It installs a sense of ‘belonging’, I suppose.

That may be what I’ve been missing out on for a while now. Belonging. So I find myself in a Cinderella-like-situation…

Anyway, I’ll be wearing a glittery, navy blue, long, fancy dress, with Cinderella slippers (no, they’re not flat, but very high heels as I’m not the tallest or fairest of them all ! ;-)).

Drinks and dinner to get into the mood and then lots of movement on the dancefloor. As a good friend of mine likes to call it….it’s our ‘workout’ !!! At this point all the young adults will join us and if all goes well, it will be the modern day Fairytail Ball! By then I will have long forgotten, about the empty seat next to me at the dinner table and my spirits will be up !

At the magical hour, this Cinderella will leave the Ball, walk herself to her car (yes, my feet will surely be killing me by now…) where my loyal volvo-carriage will be awaiting me in the underground parking. The GPS man will safely guide me home and the next morning I will once again see BOTH my slippers tossed into a corner of the wardrobe…..

Back to living the vida loca ! πŸ˜‰

Girly-Mom-Talk

Every Wednesday, my kids have hockey practice and since I have 3 kids, I spend nearly all afternoon at the hockey club. There are plenty of other mothers who do exactly the same on Wednesday afternoon…that is…drive everyone around in an organized fashion, so that they can punctually be at their required sports/singing/birthdays etc. activities. It is on these afternoons that I am so happy to have a comfortable car, with a great selection of music cd’s to keep me company on my rush-around-town !

All mothers of ‘chicks’ and ‘squirrels’ (yes, that’s how we call our first and second year hockey players), are supposed to hang around the club as long as their little sprouts are on the field training. This has been made compulsory so that if any accidents were to happen, mothers can rush to the rescue !

Wednesday’s have now become a true social event for most of us. We have the ‘wine’ group, that settles under a huge parasol with heaters all around them, and they enjoy their cigarettes and wine for most of the afternoon. Then we have the tea-and-coffee-drinking-moms who seem to always be cold and therefore spend most of the afternoon indoors, unless of course the sun is shining in which case they migrate towards the benches outside on the terrace. Now…when the sun is shining, the spirits are up too ! Loud giggling and raised voices can be heard all over the place, mothers enthousiastically sharing their midweek’s stories !

These are the days I love most.
These are the days I prosper.

I seem to get such energy from listening to these wonderful women and mothers. Hearing all of their worries and insecurities, as well as many of their great joys and adventures in life. Realising we are all different, yet so alike.
We will discuss anything on these sunny afternoon’s, from school problems to bikini waxing, from men to dating experiences, from travel trips to home improvement advice. Yes, as you can imagine enough food for hilarious conversations and various thoughts and opinions.

We laugh and sometimes even cry at moments like these…and the sense of ‘belonging’ is a strong one. All living the same life, with the same struggles and the same hurdles, yet finding the purpose of it all in being good mothers, wives, girlfriends, singles, daughters, sisters, friends, and women. It is a strong bond we share, one that is rarely understood by men.  We know the value of spending time with our children, of making sacrifices, of driving them around so that they get a chance at as much as possible in life.
We know we’re all in the same boat when it comes to this type of devotion and love. And yet we truthfully admit that at times, it’s hard, and difficult to endure. We share our frustrations in the knowledge that we will not be judged but listened to, not be criticised but supported, not feel the outcast but just a ‘mom’ like any other….

To you, my wonderful friends I give my thanks for your unconditional friendship ! And to all the women out there, have a wonderful International Women’s Day !

Lust versus Love

This is a tough one, I once read somewhere that women offer sex in the hope they will get love, and men offer love in the hope they will get sex. I have often wondered if there is any truth to this.

Today I read an article in the newspaper saying that a 22 year old girl ‘stole’ her grandmother’s boyfriend (63). They mentioned having a great and healthy sex life. I couldn’t help but wonder why that seemed to be the most important aspect to mention. I already, at the best of times feel that this world has gone insane, and can’t by the life of me understand what the attraction between this 22 year old and 63 year old man could be. To me it seems to border on pedofile behaviour. In a way, I feel so bad for the grandmother, as she once again becomes one of those women who doesn’t stand a chance in the world of the young and beautiful.
Yes, it is only my superficial and very subjective view, as I have no idea what their relationship was like before the granddaughter made her appearance.

I guess you attract men with your sexuality, and looks, but in the end, I don’t believe that that is what will make them stay. Not the good ones…and yes, I remain convinced that there are many good men still out there. I hope that the true attraction lies within your soul, the person that you are and the joy you live your life with.

So, as women, what should we do to attract the ‘right’ man ?! I guess we start off by deciding what we want in a man and what we expect from a relationship. This seems easy enough, but of course not all of our needs will be met and there should always be room for some compromise, I think. The compromise being on the small issues, not the important ones. For instance, it’s no use making a point of someone’s small annoying habits, but it is crucial to feel that someone is truly interested in you, not just ‘passing time’ with you. No need for love at first sight, but you aren’t someone’s entertainment center until something better comes along.
Sometimes we so long for love that we confuse it with lust. It will satisfy for a while but leave you empty and alone in the end. To be honest, as women, we are worth so much more !!

It’s difficult to believe in yourself, and to retrieve your self confidence after a man has left you, or if you’ve had many relationships that ended badly. As a woman it leaves a huge dent and sometimes, when the hurt is deep, you’re tempted to believe you’re really not worth it. I went through that, and still at times struggle with it. Strangely enough, it is not an issue in my friendships, but when it comes to men, I am a total disaster.
I have no idea what I want, yet I want too much….
I say I don’t want commitment, yet feel true disappointment when I find out I am just a fling for the other person….
I long for love, yet don’t dare assume someone will ever love me again….
I want to believe ‘happily ever after’ still exists, yet all around me love seems to be ending in nightmares…
I find someone I like, only to realise they don’t feel the same way about me at all… !
So I’m stuck….And because I am stuck, I start looking for reasons why I am stuck. Only to find that there are no answers, except maybe to let go of it all and just be myself. Hoping deep down, that I will still get a chance at this…one day.

So if you get stuck in the battle between lust and love, take a deep look at your inner self and choose wisely.

I’ll take love…… in time.