What if…

So what if you found yourself dating a much younger man, but not feeling a day past his age. Lost in the emotions of it all, loving the attention, the charming ways of his courtship, and wondering how it is possible that such a young man could fall head over heals in love with an older woman. The thought has crossed my mind many a time, for it does happen, and the phenomenon intrigues me.

It’s insane, of course it is;  no way in the world these two people could be compatible, or even have anything in common, right ?! But then how do you explain the multitude of men that choose to fall in love with a woman 15 to 20 years their minor. In our modern day society that is totally acceptable. Sadly even in cases where a perfectly commendable ‘older’ woman has been exchanged for a newer, younger version. Even then, we tolerate and accept it. After all, a woman should look up to her man, and that is more likely if they’re significantly a few years younger than the man they’re dating..

When it comes to younger men though, it’s a different story. We consider them ‘immature’, too ‘baby-faced’ and just not ‘fully baked’. But who says that’s the case with all young men?! Isn’t it possible that there are a few older souls out there?! Those that may have matured quicker in certain areas and think with the same ‘age’ of grey-matter we do. They are out there, and to confuse us all even more, they are sometimes even further along than most men our own age, ladies…!!!

The consequences of such a relationship are probably grand however. To begin with, if there are children involved they are usually shocked or maybe even scarred for life, friends may drop you like alfredo, as you seem to have gone haywire with such a choice. And family well, that is awkward enough too, as you may have to meet the parents, one day, who may only be a little bit older than yourself and that in itself seems unacceptable and extremely inexcusable.

So why is it that there’s sometimes the attraction without age consideration?! Take away the numbers and the souls may fit. What is the proper thing to do then?! Do you follow your heart, or do you go with what goes?!

Of course if you want to set yourself up for a heartbreak, this may be the best way to go. A younger guy will have many more opportunities to leave you for another woman, or in his case another life. I have no idea what the odds are of such a relationship prevailing. Too many obstacles seem to pop into mind and with the current situation on ‘same aged’ people separating, I should think that adding the age hurdle will only complicate things even further….

Then again, a woman may find herself in some sort of need to satify her (maybe last) sexual peak and still feel attractive enough to challenge herself by testing the waters. If so, then this combination seems Godsend, as younger men are said to be more virile and willing, as opposed to their older adversaries. Something that in itself makes you wonder what the older man does with his younger woman, as we mostly (like to) think it has to do with a greater sexual appetite. I think, however, that there is more of an ‘adoration’ issue there, than anything else. Men love to be looked up to and admired, and admittedly, younger women still do that. Older ones know better. No offence.

Don’t get me wrong though, for I am not against an age difference, it’s only when age becomes part of the problem that I react strongly against it.
So, to conclude, why is it that in today’s society, where so much is tolerated and accepted, the idea of a woman dating a younger man is still so outdated? … I wonder, do we feel threatened as a society, or is it just a case of men (still) having more priviledges than women even in this day and AGE?!

Amuse Bouche

For a while know I have had the suspicious notion that the men I’ve dated so far, have perceived me as their ‘side dish’ and not their main course. I’ve been what the French appropriately call an ‘amuse bouche’ (literally an amusing mouthful). I tickled their appetite ….for more….just not more of me !!

It leaves me a little sad and disappointed to say the least, for it just seems so hard to understand that someone can like so much of you, yet, not want you. But I suppose it’s exactly like that appetizer, it’s a flavour explosion that makes you curiously long for the next dish…..yes…the next one. A hidden seduction… an enticement. If we ‘translate’ that into intimate relationships, I have only been that which one tries before the real master piece is welcomed and approved of, in other words a ‘flirtation’ of sorts.

It has been very frustrating to be honest, many tears have trickled down my cheeks over this, and however much I’d like to understand it.

I don’t.

Can a ‘side dish’ ever turn into a main platter ?! Do I stand a chance in a world saturated with numerous ‘pieces de resistance’ ?!

One thing I’m sure of…I no longer want to be that side dish…. the one that seems suitable and readily available to accompany all meals. Easily combined and always enjoyable yet never quite the filler. I long for a complimentary combination or the whole hog. In this case that would make me the center piece of the table like a magestic banquet of…, in my case, pork.

So how do you go from being a simple ‘extra’ to the most wanted platter…well that’s where I seem a little lost and confused. Afterall, pork needs gravy, lamb is complemented by mintsauce, chicken goes best with lemon, garlic and spices, and even bread needs butter to complete it. Still that leaves me nowhere. Except back where I started…as the complimentary side dish. Which I’ve decided I no longer want to be.

I guess what I’m trying so hard to say is that I no longer want to be assigned the crumbs in this meal of a lifetime. I will attend the table in honour or not at all. I will be scrumptiously tasted and flavoured and will only be satisfied if my ‘taster’ is left longing for more, concluding that I’m finger-licking delicious and should be cherished and adored like any proper ‘piece de resistance’ ought to be !!!

For now though….I have decided to decline my place at the table in order to have an appropriate ‘men pause’… so at this moment in time this ‘side dish’ is off limits to the empty stomachs of uncommittable men with hunger pangs.

Stuck in the Moment

Find myself struck and stuck, not because I have no stories left to tell but because after my ‘Heart Locked’ blog, all emotion seems to have hit the ‘off‘ button. So the next fase sets in and I suppose it leaves me pondering… and wondering…the question this time being…

‘Now what’ !!

I realise that this will most probably be a temporary state of mind, yet find myself feeling a bit uneasy as it might just be a bigger breath to hold this time. Feeling stuck in the moment…seeing no exit. Emotions locked away, safe and sound. Living day by day, moment by moment, no aspiration for more. Perfectly content, yet with the knowledge that hiding away feelings is most probably not the wisest way to go.

Is it possible, that I’m enjoying life, without sharing it ?! Without the longing to share it ….between two drawn souls. No need for that extra pair of everything, no need for another heart’s warmth. Just living the moment, without loss, or disappointment, learning to be just me and slowly falling in love with that.

Stuck in the eye of life’s storm, with a chance to soon be struck again, or maybe, just maybe, my pondering thoughts, may help it last… a little longer, long enough to get unstuck in the middle. Wondering the purpose of this pauze, as it baffles the brain yet leaves me with calm ease and tranquility.

Having time and space, to get unstuck from this momentary lapse may be the only cure, and best way out…of something I’m not sure I want to leave behind.

Looking left and right, front and back, but twirling in the midst of it, till the twirl’s undone. Will I then have reached the ‘unstuck’ ?!

To all the stuck, I know this blog is crystal clear and to all others it must be a complete and utter ‘fog blog’. My apologies for that but cannot provide you with anymore clarity of mind or matter. It is what it is, and it will be what it will be…for as long as it shall be. Live to the boundaries, close the exits, remove the doubts and warm the hearth. Welcome to the basics of love.