For a while know I have had the suspicious notion that the men I’ve dated so far, have perceived me as their ‘side dish’ and not their main course. I’ve been what the French appropriately call an ‘amuse bouche’ (literally an amusing mouthful). I tickled their appetite ….for more….just not more of me !!
It leaves me a little sad and disappointed to say the least, for it just seems so hard to understand that someone can like so much of you, yet, not want you. But I suppose it’s exactly like that appetizer, it’s a flavour explosion that makes you curiously long for the next dish…..yes…the next one. A hidden seduction… an enticement. If we ‘translate’ that into intimate relationships, I have only been that which one tries before the real master piece is welcomed and approved of, in other words a ‘flirtation’ of sorts.
It has been very frustrating to be honest, many tears have trickled down my cheeks over this, and however much I’d like to understand it.
I don’t.
Can a ‘side dish’ ever turn into a main platter ?! Do I stand a chance in a world saturated with numerous ‘pieces de resistance’ ?!
One thing I’m sure of…I no longer want to be that side dish…. the one that seems suitable and readily available to accompany all meals. Easily combined and always enjoyable yet never quite the filler. I long for a complimentary combination or the whole hog. In this case that would make me the center piece of the table like a magestic banquet of…, in my case, pork.
So how do you go from being a simple ‘extra’ to the most wanted platter…well that’s where I seem a little lost and confused. Afterall, pork needs gravy, lamb is complemented by mintsauce, chicken goes best with lemon, garlic and spices, and even bread needs butter to complete it. Still that leaves me nowhere. Except back where I started…as the complimentary side dish. Which I’ve decided I no longer want to be.
I guess what I’m trying so hard to say is that I no longer want to be assigned the crumbs in this meal of a lifetime. I will attend the table in honour or not at all. I will be scrumptiously tasted and flavoured and will only be satisfied if my ‘taster’ is left longing for more, concluding that I’m finger-licking delicious and should be cherished and adored like any proper ‘piece de resistance’ ought to be !!!
For now though….I have decided to decline my place at the table in order to have an appropriate ‘men pause’… so at this moment in time this ‘side dish’ is off limits to the empty stomachs of uncommittable men with hunger pangs.