Category: Miesblog

Today is D-day…

Funny, I never really pictured myself as a divorcée…I was one of those girls who grew up thinking that getting married was something you only do once in your life. You find the person you love most, marry them, say your vows and stick together, no matter what.
I thought.

As it happens life has turned out a little different…and now, after being separated for 7 years, I’m officially divorced, free to do my own thing, start over, do whatever non-married people my age do….whatever that may be!!

For the moment I intend to devote myself mostly to parenting the kids, who I’m happy to say, are often home with me to keep me safe and sane. They don’t realise it yet and maybe they never really will, but they saved me from losing myself; they cushioned my heartache with cuddles and kisses, helped me grow by shedding their tears, and made me strong by showing me their own courage when thrown in a situation they could do nothing about, just accept.

I know now where things went ‘wrong’, and how out of balance my life and I had become. At the time I would not have agreed, but sometimes marriage should not last until the bitter end.

Even though, I often felt ‘robbed’ of my life’s dreams and aspirations, when we first separated, I now know that I have just been dealt different cards. That my old life erupted only to provide me with valuable new experiences and most importantly an open heart!
It took me quite a while, many mistakes and hurting loved ones in the process, to get me where I am today. Not perfect, but I accept who I am, what I can, and how I cope. None of this is easy. For anyone. In any situation really…. But I’m happy to say that what you see is what you get. I let my heart rule nowadays, I do what I love and I love what I do. No more battles between heart and mind, because I’ve realised there is no other (real) option than to follow your heart. This, I now believe, is the only way to avoid regrets in life and love.

I have no idea as to how life will unfold, and if I’ll be lucky enough to love and be loved again someday….
A daunting thought sometimes, but then I remember that I am not alone, that I’m surrounded by so many people who care!! The kids, family and friends have filled my heart with so much of their love and warmth, that I can feel it overflowing. There’s plenty to go around and so I can only hope that what goes around comes around and back again….so it may touch others as it touched me.

And so, a word of thanks….
Thank you to the ‘Ex’ for cutting me loose yet remaining my buddy and loyal co-parent through it all.
Thank you Life for the ‘has beens‘, thanks for the ‘have becomes‘ and looking forward to the what ‘may be’s‘ …. !!!

We all know the type, or have met one at some time in our lives and they’re usually not that hard to miss, as their gigantic ego’s precede them. They love to talk about ‘ME, MYSELF and I’…mostly bragging about the women they have conquered as if they are God’s gift to us. Usually preying on the weak and vulnerable, as no strong woman in her right mind would even consider such a self-absorbed-excuse-of-a-man.

Not so long ago, I met the leader of the pack, I had encountered a few Mr. Dick Heads in the past, but none this sophisticated. This guy was a master at it. He knew exactly what to say to tickle your senses, and trigger your curiosity, only to find that within 5 minutes into a conversation, it was all about HIM. He managed to lure you into a false sense of comfort, by throwing in just enough sweet ‘bates’ and ‘I’m such a good guy compared to the rest’ anecdotes. I’m ashamed to admit it, but at first I fell for it… as if intoxicated by his deceiving good looks. I patiently listened to all his (bullshit) tales of rescued damsels in distress. Every female on earth seemed to fall at his feet and beg to be taken and of course, he complied. He was a terrific salesman, closed the deal with great suave, yet he was nowhere to be found once the deed was done.

Like a praying mantis grasping and devouring his prey yet escaping the fate of death by cautiously picking out the most fragile and defenceless creatures. Mr. Dick Head superior enjoyed the quick satisfaction, nothing long term or remotely complicated although he was convinced of his own spiritual depths.

It turned out, he was a ‘Shallow Hal’, his interests were only skin deep and short lived. I have no idea how a person actually survives on just the artificials, but they exist. After a few (failed) attempts at ‘getting into my pants’, so to speak, I ended up getting told how terribly fucked up I was, and that I needed to change BIG TIME if I wanted to function properly in this society.

(insert : WIDE OPEN MOUTH DROP)

Well….after the initial shock and slight feeling of uneasiness as I wondered for a second if he may actually be right, I concluded that : I am better than this, and he was probably just pissed off that I wouldn’t budge into a horizontal state of fornication, well sod him. I may still be single and not very good at relationships, but I will not be verbally bullied into a ‘use-me-and-dump-me‘ position pretending to call it ‘society’.
I bet he now regrets having once praised my great writing skills……

If you screw around with this ‘loca’ ….you get nailed Mr. Dick Head.