‘Normal’ or not, that is the question.

When I was little, I used to think that certain things were going to be a very normal part of my life. Like my parents I was going to get married, have children, and live that absolutely ‘normal’ life, because that is how it was done. Yes, I say, ‘was’ done because, normal is no longer normal…..it’s changed profoundly. Left and right families fall apart, split up, leave, and decide on a better and brighter future….alone or with more suitable partners. This time I really don’t want to go into the logistics of things or the pain it causes everyone involved, but I would like to point out that what we used to see as normal, is truly no longer the same norm.

Many if not most of the parents at the schools my children go to, have separated or divorced recently. At one stage it felt like a ‘divorce tsunami‘ had hit this town. Leaving it’s victims scattered all over the place, some even in friends’ houses, where they found shelter with other people’s spouses….
I walk around and realise that I no longer know, who is going out with whom, for it changes so fast at times that I can no longer keep up.

So I wonder, is it still all about ‘ ‘love and marriage’ ? Or has this become about loving ourselves only and chasing what would be ideal for us as an individual. What do we want out of life nowadays ? Have our values changed so much ? And if so, where does that leave those of us, who are still working hard at making the relationship we once committed to, work ?

I wonder…

What I once thought to be the norm, has now become the exception, and with that I have no idea what to teach my children. Should I prepare them for the heartache that may lay ahead or shall I keep their hopes up by holding on to something that is no longer what it used to be. I think that in the end, I’m going to hope and pray that youth learns from our ‘mistakes’ and work their @ss off so as not to make the same ones once again. Who knows but that may just do the trick and help the constitution of marriage regain it’s foundation. For right now, it’s being shaken to distruction and extinction rapidly. Then again, does anyone still really care ?!…Maybe THAT is the question….

6 Replies to “‘Normal’ or not, that is the question.”

  1. Beautiful!! Just at it is( now look who's Talking)
    Lets teach our children that theres lots of love all around but like anything Else, Liefde is een werkwoord. Maar laat ze eerst maar nog jaren jaren en jaren genieten van kalverliefdes en lekker onbezorgde jeugd!!

  2. Juliette, I couldn't agree more….to me love is within us, and those who cherish it, will hopefully always have plenty of it to go around !! X

  3. Nice. I think that sometimes relationships can be super hard – especially if they are intimate which means you can easily push one anothers buttons. But when they are hard it is often a time when you are learning about something together; by trying to resolve a dispute or when one of you is challenging the others behaviour. The temptation is to jump ships and find someone else – but all you end up doing is swapping one lot of 'shit' for another, and it all smells the same. Which is a rather horrible analogy but, from my experience, very very true. So I prefer to work through the hard stuff whith the person I care most about in life, and by doing so it brings you closer together. Not the mind-blowing romance of yesteryear but something much stronger and much more valuable. And you learn a lot about yourself along the way. And you teach your kids how to deal with conflict and how to work at a relationship without one of you giving up. There's no guarantees – you just have to make sure that deep down you know you have tried your very best to be your very best xxx Vicky

  4. Thanks Pietje, I think we all see what is going on around us and some of us are left in shock at the speed of which this is all happening…and the scars it leaves….sad really… XX

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